If only and Always
by Cas-kett
Summary: Starts off with the end of season 3, when Beckett is shot and goes into what happens after. I used the scene from the hospital to start out and went on from there with my own spin on what could happen. Thanks for reading!
1. Ch:1 Waiting

Loud yelling and screams came from the civilians and officers in the crowd. Policemen were running, armed, towards where the shot was fired. Everything was happening so fast, and it was all so unreal.

But through all of the noise and chaos, Richard Castle found himself to be in his own world. The sounds of people running and screaming didn't phase him. The sounds of policemen running by and yelling orders didn't even break his gaze he had held on the one person who was slipping away right in front of him. The one person who had him fascinated and amazed everyday they were together. The one person who had allowed him into their life, even when they didn't always want him to be. The one person who knew him through the good and the bad. The person he had just told he loved…Kate Beckett.

"She's my friend." Lanie cried, as she continued the chest compressions on her best friend. There was blood everywhere, including Lanie's gloved hands and dress. She had her heels up on the metal bar that was underneath the stretcher that Beckett was laying on, unconscious.

"Then let us save her!" the doctor ordered. Lanie hesitated and then stepped down. The doctors and emt's disappeared down the hospital hallway, leaving a crying Lanie and a worried Castle.

Lanie turned to Castle and leaned on him. He wrapped his right arm around her and they turned back towards the waiting room. Castle's heart felt like it had been ripped out, and he was still in disbelief at what was happening. He had finally told Beckett how he felt, he never expected to of said it in a situation like this. Esposito took Lanie and they sat down together. Ryan sat in a chair next to Esposito, with his hands in his hair, as he looked down at the ground. Martha and Alexis rose up as soon as they saw Castle. Alexis ran into her dad's arms, as he held her tight. He then reached out for his upset mother.

"You two shouldn't be…" Castle went to say.

"Nonsense Richard, we want to be here. Kate needs all of us here." Martha cut him off, she smiled slightly at her son. Castle smiled with his sad eyes, and looked down at his daughter. Alexis had tears stained on her porcelain cheeks. Castle motioned for them to sit down. Martha had her arm around Alexis and Castle stared down at the ground. Who the hell did this and why? Castle yelled in his head. He took his eyes off the floor and they drifted over to a man sitting across from him, the man was older and had tears falling down his face. It was Kate's father, Jim Beckett. Beckett's father looked up and held his stare with Castle's blue eyes. Castle didn't know what to say, what do you say? Both Castle gave him a look that said how sorry he was.

"When we find the bastard that did this…" Esposito started.

"Detectives." An officer said from behind them. Both Ryan and Esposito turned around fast in their chairs. The cop signaled for them to come over, and they shot up, along with Castle.

"I'm sorry sir but…"

"No, he's with us." Esposito said, patting Castle on the shoulder. Ryan also nodded to the cop.

"We haven't found much yet. He or she knew what they were doing. They shot from about a hundred yards away. We have men everywhere searching, and we won't stop until we get this scumbag." The cop said, as he looked at all three men. Ryan and Esposito wanted this guy as much as Castle did.

"Thanks, keep us updated if you find anything." Ryan said. The cop nodded, and turned away towards the elevator.

"The son of a bitch better hope we don't find him." Esposito said coldly.

"It's him…the fourth cop. Has to be, and not just because that's how I'd write it." Castle said in a low voice for only them to hear. Only the three of them knew the truth. The truth that they're captain had been involved in Beckett's moms murder case. The three of them, plus Beckett, swore to never mention it to anyone and that Captain Montgomery would die a hero.

"Maybe we should go back to the precinct and try to help. " Ryan offered, as he pulled out his phone checking for any missed calls. Esposito nodded. They both looked at Castle.

"I think I'm going to stay here for a while, but I'll try to stop in once I know…" Castle nodded his head towards the emergency room doors- where Beckett was. The two detectives patted Castle on the back. Castle turned to see Esposito trying to get Lanie to come home, she shook her head. He kissed her forehead and then headed out with Ryan. Castle walked back over to his mother and daughter.

"You guys should go home, get changed. It's been a long day. I'll call you as soon as I hear anything. I just need…" Castle paused.

"Call us dear." Martha responded. She stood up with Alexis. Alexis hugged her dad one more time before they walked away.

Castle sat down next to Beckett's father.

"I'm sorry."

"This isn't your fault, Rick." He replied. You could see the hurt in his eyes. This was a man who had lost his wife years ago, and now his only daughter was lying in an emergency room with a gunshot in her chest. Castle looked over at Lanie, she was over at the desk trying to get information on her friend.

Castle could feel his heart sinking lower. He wanted to see Kate. He wanted to hold her. He would give anything to just be sitting in his brown chair beside her desk, annoying the hell out of her with his theories of alien invasions and dirty talk. What he give to see her roll her eyes, or even just to watch her fill out paperwork.

"Where is she?" a voice yelled out. This broke Castle's thoughts and he immediately looked up to see the last person he wanted to see.

Josh.


	2. Ch:2 Not all fiction

"She's in surgery. It's bad…" Lanie trailed off. Josh was in dark jeans, with a black leather jacket. His long dark hair was tucked behind his ears. He was a big guy. Castle wished he would've never came back from wherever he was.

"How…why?" Josh asked. He looked distraught. He didn't seem to notice Castle, who was already upset, and now starting to feel angry.

"We don't know." Lanie replied, shaking her head. She still had her bloody gloves on when she looked down. She walked away towards the restroom to clean up. Castle stared Josh down for a moment. Josh was talking to the nurse at the desk. Josh worked here, he was a heart surgeon. Although Castle had only met him one time when he came to pick Beckett up, and once he saw him saying goodbye to her when they were having issues. Castle watched as Josh walked past, and then he stopped and turned to Castle. He nodded at Castle, and then continued towards the emergency room. Damn him! The one place Castle wished he could go, he couldn't.

A half hour went by, and Beckett's father had been talking to a nurse- trying to get updates. Lanie sat in her same chair, pretending to read a magazine. Esposito had called her almost every ten minutes since he left. He said they would be back soon, once they finished.

Castle was in the hospital café'. He stood in line behind two interns. He loosened his tie around his neck and removed it, tucking it into his pocket. He wondered how much longer the surgery was going to take? How is she? Why hadn't Josh come back out to give them an update?

"Sir…sir." The cashier repeated, trying to get his attention. Castle looked up and stepped forward.

"Sorry, um one grande latte' and a non-fat grande latte with two…" Castle stopped. He was ordering Beckett's and didn't even realize it. He was so used to this routine now, it was like tying a shoe. "Just make it the one latte'." Castle said.

Castle walked out of the café and slowly made his way to the elevator. He wished Beckett was beside, walking in stride as they made their way to a crime scene. He missed the way her hair would fall perfectly into place, or when a piece would fall across her face. He loved watching her, working with her, and being her partner. Was started out as him being her annoying shadow blossomed into a friendship, which turned into a partnership. He loved her, and wasn't even sure if she would remember him saying it.

Once Castle got off the elevator and made his way over to the waiting area, he sat down and called home. He told his mother there was no news yet and that he probably wouldn't be home that night. As Castle hung up the phone, he let out a deep breath. Then he heard the emergency room doors fly open, and Josh walked out.

"I couldn't go in the operating room, but they're doing everything they can. It's seems like the bullet wasn't in too deep, but it was very close to her heart. She lost a lot blood, so we just have to wait and see." Josh explained, sounding like a doctor. Castle had a sad look on his face, and Beckett's father sat back down. Lanie sat next to Jim, to comfort him.

"So, how much longer?" Castle asked. Josh just shrugged and shook his head.

"It's hard to say right now." Josh answered. Castle felt useless, he wish he could do something to help.

"Maybe you should go home, get some sleep. It's going to be a while until she wakes up." Josh said, as he put his hands into his pockets. Castle didn't like this idea.

"No, thanks, I'm good. It's not like I could sleep with all this going on." Castle replied. He was trying to stare Josh dead in the eyes, but it was almost impossible with the height difference.

"You guys have worked together a long time, she talks about you a lot." Josh spoke, sounding a bit intimidated.

"Yeah, about three years now. We've gotten pretty close." Castle said.

"I read your first book, Heat Wave. Kate assured me it's all fiction." He joked, with a smile. Castle wish this guy only knew what he had with Beckett was more real than the novels.

"Yeah," Castle smiled thinking of how Beckett loved denying the sex scene in the book between Nikki and Rook, "but not all of it." Castle added a clever tone in his last remark. Josh looked a bit surprised, but could tell where this was going.


	3. Ch:3 A Write hook

Beckett's dad had gone home to change his clothes, Lanie offered to go with him but he said he would be fine. Castle was leaning against a wall in the hallway. Josh had gone to get some sleep one of the rooms for doctors to lay down in. Castle just couldn't get the image of Beckett falling to the ground out of his head.

"Castle, how are you doing?" Lanie asked, as she leaned against the opposite wall facing him.

"I'll be better when I know she's okay."

"She will be Castle." She smiled hopefully. Castle smiled back.

"I know. I just can't stop thinking about her falling down, and I couldn't do anything. I saw…"

"This isn't your fault. Don't do that to yourself. And I know what you mean, I remember hearing the shot and you jumping up- it all happened so fast." Lanie said, as she creased her brow.

"I saw the shooter," Castle said softly, "I saw something bright and reflecting in the distance and I just ran to her to protect her."

"Castle I know you care about her, we all do, but I know." She said in a comforting voice. She rested her hand on his arm and walked back to her seat. Castle put his head back against the wall.

After a few minutes, Josh came back out and walked over towards Castle.

"Any news?" he asked.

"Nothing yet." Castle replied, trying to limit his talking to Josh.

"I still can't believe this is happening. I should've been there." Josh said.

"It's not like you're ever here." Castle mumbled.

"What?" Josh asked. Most cases Castle would've just acted like he didn't say anything, but this was a man who puts words together for a living.

"I said it's not like you're ever here. Do you even know what's been going on in her life lately? Or are you just too busy riding around the city on your motorcycle?" Castle's voice started to get loud.

"Excuse me? What the hell is your problem?" Josh demanded. He stood up a bit taller and got closer to Castle, who didn't seem to care about their size difference.

"I'm looking at him." Castle said angrily.

"Listen, I don't need this right now. Alright, my girlfriend is having surgery. I don't need some big shot writer to try and…"

"Yeah your girlfriend is having surgery. But do you know what she was doing before that? She was at a funeral for her captain, her mentor…her friend…my friend. And do you know where she was the night before that? With me arguing over you and how she doesn't even love you!"

"You…" Josh went, looking pissed. But Castle cut him off.

"And do you know where she was a few weeks ago? She was with me in LA, in a hotel room. And before that in a freezer in my arms, and before that we kisse…" Before Castle could finish, Josh's fist came at him. Castle ducked and his fist missed and went into the wall. Josh yelled out in pain. But before he could even shake it off he was hit with Castle's right fist in the face. Josh leaned over, and Castle panted. He was stunned that he did that himself. Josh rose up and shoved Castle into the wall, Castle shoved him back. Castle was so angry, that it didn't even phase him that Josh was bigger than him. The two men continued, until someone came rushing down the hall.

"Hey! Yo, Castle- guys break it up!" Esposito yelled, holding him back, Castle tried fighting his way out of Esposito's strong grip. Ryan heard the noise and came rushing down to help, Lanie and a few other people noticed also. Lanie had her hand over her mouth. Castle stopped struggling and fixed his collar as he walked away. Josh had his hand rubbing his jaw. Esposito and Ryan followed Castle.

"Man, talk about a writer's block…" Ryan smiled, Esposito smirked. Castle sat back down in his chair. Lanie came over next to him.

"What in the hell?" Lanie asked. As she reached to take a look at his hand, soon it would be bruised. Right now it didn't hurt, but it would. Castle couldn't believe he hit Josh. He knew he shouldn't have, but he was glad he did.

"Man, Castle, I didn't think I'd ever see the day you'd knock a guy out." Esposito joked.

"And I never thought I'd see the day when you would be carrying a man-purse." Castle smiled, as he nodded at the bag in Esposito's hand. They laughed for the first time since all of this happened.

"It's my change of clothes," Lanie smiled. She grabbed the bag and headed towards the restroom to change.

"Am I going to get arrested?" Castle joked, as he rubbed his hand that was in Josh's face moments ago.

"For what? We didn't see a thing." Esposito winked.

"Castle you should go home, get changed. We'll call you when…" Ryan spoke.

"Thanks, but I'm not leaving until my partner wakes up." Castle replied.

"Figured you'd say that." Esposito said, as he picked up another bag and tossed it to Castle. He opened it and saw a pair of dark jeans, a black shirt, and some hygiene products. Castle looked up and smiled.

Castle went into the bathroom to clean up and change. He rubbed his sore hand and this only made him think back to when Beckett had held it gently with her soft hands, as she wrapped it up in a bandage. He smiled at the thought. Castle grabbed his bag and went back out to the waiting room to see Lanie in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

"How's the vic?" Castle asked.

"He's getting his jaw checked out by a nurse." Ryan replied.

"Could I speak with Katherine Beckett's family?" a doctor said, as he pulled off his mask. All their heads turned. This was the moment they were waiting for all night.

"How is she? Is she awake?" Castle demanded. The doctor looked at the four of them.

"No, not awake yet. She's stable…still critical. But we got the bullet out of her chest. It hit pretty close to her heart, she lost a lot of blood. But she'll be okay. We just need to wait and see how the next few hours go." The doctor explained. A sigh of relief went through them all.

"I'm going to call her dad." Ryan said, as he started to dial and walked away.

"Can we see her?" Lanie asked, although being a doctor herself, she knew the answer already.

"I'm sorry only family. Are any of you?"

"We all are." Esposito said strongly.

"Castle you should go." Lanie nodded with a smile. Castle smiled at her, and patted Esposito on the back. He followed the surgeon back to the dimmed lit room where the woman he loved was laying hooked up to a few machines and ivy bags.

"Stay as long as you want." The doctor walked away, leaving Castle in the doorway of the quiet hospital room. He was scared to go in. He took a deep breath and stepped in. He couldn't really see her at first, because of the lighting, but he knew her face so well already. He walked over to her bedside and sat in the chair beside it. He stared at her body lying there, motionless. He had never seen her like this. So peaceful, and quiet. He just wanted to hold her in his arms.

Castle scooted the chair closer to her.

"Kate...it's me, Castle. I don't know if you can hear me…which is probably heaven for you if you can't." he joked, "but I'm here." He raised his hand above her face and brushed a lock of her brown hair away from her face. He leaned over her to pull up the blankets over her chest, trying to make her look more comfortable. He brushed her soft cheek, and leaned in and kissed her forehead. He wondered if she could feel him? If she could hear him? He leaned back into his chair, and he placed his hand on hers. Castle was glad he was next to her finally, although he wished she was awake, he felt safer beside her. He felt like he could protect her, and knowing exactly where she was brought him peace- something he hadn't felt all day.

The room was dark, and quiet. There was only the sound of the machines in the room and the occasional nurse walking by. There was only the feeling of her hand in his and the feelings they had for each other building up in the room. There was also another feeling that Castle was unaware of- the eyes of a jealous doctor standing feet away from the door, watching a writer hold his girlfriends hand.


	4. Ch:4 Rise

"Your boyfriend has been here all night, he wouldn't leave your side." The nurse smiled. Beckett was still feeling fuzzy, but could make out the figure of Castle leaning back in a chair, with a pillow on the side of his head- asleep. His feet were propped up on another chair.

"He's not…" Beckett paused with a smile and rephrased, "he hasn't left my side since I met him."

The nurse smiled, leaving the room. Beckett smiled slightly as she kept her eyes on him. He was wearing a black long sleeve shirt, with dark jeans. His hair was a bit of a mess, but it was cute. She looked at the ivy in her left arm and winced in pain as she moved forward. Her chest felt so sore. She pulled her hospital gown down a little to take a look at the stitched area of her chest. She was trying to remember exactly what had happened. She tried to retrace her memory. She remembered standing in front of everyone and speaking about Captain Montgomery, she also remembered lying on the ground. The rest was a bit fuzzy, but she knew with time she should remember.

Beckett bit her lip as she tried to remember what happened, but her concentration was interrupted when she heard the sound of Castle taking in a deep breath. She was so tempted to get up and kick the chair from under his feet, she smiled and remembered the time he did fall through a chair that she had unscrewed as a prank. Just then Castle's left foot fell off the chair, which woke him up immediately. He blinked a few times and then looked up at Beckett.

"Hey Castle." She said softly, with a smile. Castle smiled, and leaned in closer to her.

"Hey." Castle said almost in a whisper. He was so happy that she was okay and finally awake. He wanted to just pick her up into his arms and hold her. They stared at each other.

Castle kept his soft blue eyes locked on her big green eyes. They were always so good at speaking with just the way they looked at each other. She looked tired and you could tell she was in some pain, and yet she still looked beautiful. He smiled at her, and leaned forward. He placed his hand gently on hers, she squeezed it weakly. Her long brown hair was down, and the small amount of morning sunlight in the room made it look lighter.

"Castle I…"

"Kate," an unwanted voice said as Josh entered the room. Castle withdrew his hand from hers and he looked down. Kate noticed this and it wasn't hard to miss.

"God, I was so worried about you. I did everything I could, but they wouldn't let me in the operating room...I'm so happy you're okay." Josh said, as he brushed her hair aside. She smiled, but she could feel the awkwardness in the room.

"I'm gonna go make a phone call quick." Castle said, as he pretended to have a reason to leave.

"Castle." Beckett said, he turned around and looked at her. He smiled and walked out of the room. She wanted to talk to him. She wanted him to stay.


	5. Ch:5 A Rainy Day Confession

It was pouring rain outside and the air was cool, as the wind swept in between the tall buildings of New York City. The sounds of hard raindrops coming down against the glass windows of Richard Castle's study weren't loud enough to get Beckett off his mind as he sat in his chair drinking scotch out of a glass. The room was dark and the only light in the room was coming from his laptop. It had been four days since Beckett woke up in her hospital room. He stared at the screen of his fansite. He thought maybe if he had answered some fan mail it could distract him from the painful reality- but it didn't. He sipped his drink and closed his eyes.

"Dad…" Alexis said as she entered the study. She set down her backpack and walked over to her dad, placing her arms around him. He raised his drink free hand and held onto her arm.

"Hi sweetie, how was school?" He asked, smiling.

"Fine, same old same old- german, geometry, gym, and then ditched fourth period to smoke outback underneath the bleechers." Alexis joked, trying to cheer up her dad. He laughed.

"That's my girl." He responded smiling.

"Richard?" a voice yelled from the living room, as the front door slammed.

"In here!" Castle yelled out to his mother.

"Oh, good heavens Richard. It's not even 4:00." Martha sighed referring to the almost empty glass in Castle's hand. He placed it on the desk.

"Just following the 'it's five o'clock somewhere' rule." Castle smiled. He stood up and yawned.

"Did you get a lot of sleep?" Alexis asked.

"Yeah, actually I did. I was thinking of stopping by the hospital later, if you want to come along." Castle said, as he started towards the doorway.

"Yeah, I just need to call Ash quick and do some homework." Alexis responded. She smiled at her dad and walked out of the room towards the kitchen.

"Darling, you need to get out. It's so gloomy in here, the weather outside is more cheerful than being in here in this cave, hiding." Martha said with concern. Castle looked down sadly.

"I just…I don't know. For once I don't know what to say. The one woman who's inspired me to write three novels, and I can't find words." Castle said, as he sat on the arm of the chair. Martha stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Richard, sitting here all day isn't going to help you figure it out and neither is sitting in the precinct at Kate's desk." Martha said, Castle looked up shocked.

"Yes, I know. Esposito called me and told me you had been there." She responded to his look of shock.

"It's the only place I felt like was _normal_. Like she would walk in at any moment and we would be like we were, before…" Castle trailed off. Martha ran her hand across his head and kissed his forehead. She smiled and walked out of the room to the kitchen, where Alexis was making a sandwich.

Castle watched them and was so grateful to have such amazing people in his life. He stood up and grabbed his cell phone off his desk. He had no missed calls. He hadn't seen Beckett in 3 days; he wanted to give her time with Lanie, the guys, and her father. He also didn't know how to come out and explain what he had said to her. _What if she's mad? What if she doesn't feel the same? Does she even remember?_ Castle set his phone down on the desk. He looked at it, wishing it would ring and Beckett's name would pop up on the screen, and they would have a case to solve. He walked away to go get a shower and to shave before going to the hospital.

_**Hospital…**_

Beckett was sitting in a chair facing the window that looked down onto the busy streets of the city. It was raining out and the room was cold. She had a blanket around her lap. She had on dark gray sweatpants, with a white v-neck t-shirt. She didn't need an ivy in her arm and she was more than ready to get the hell out of the hospital. She was the kind of person that was a "do-er" not a person who can just sit around waiting. But at this point she had a reminder on her chest of what happens when you don't sit and you go out and "do". She creased her brow, and closed her eyes. She was looking at Castle and giving her eulogy to everyone. Then she heard Castle yell her name and she fell to the sounds of screaming. But she was trying to concentrate on what he said to her before she passed out.

"Hey honey." Beckett's dad said as he entered the room. She turned and smiled at him.

"Hey dad."

"It's pretty bad out, but I managed to get you some magazines and your favorite." Jim Beckett said as he raised a bag of oatmeal raisin cookies up. She smiled and her eyes lit up as she took the cookies.

"Thanks dad. I definetly need these." She smiled. She stood up slowly, and he helped her over to her bed to sit on together.

"So…" he said. She looked at him and she immediately could tell what he was trying to say.

"Nope." Beckett responded. He patted her knee and kissed her forehead.

"He'll come when he's ready, Katie. I'm sure he's got a lot on his mind- he was so worried about you honey. It's nice to see you have someone like that in your life- you need that." Jim said, referring to Castle. She smiled slightly at the sound of his name.

"I think I'm going to lay down, I'm pretty worn out."

"Alright, I'll let you sleep. I actually have some errands to run, but I'll stop by again. Love you." He said as he pulled the covers up over her, like a little girl being tucked in. She laid back against her pillow and sighed.

"I love you too." She smiled. He walked out of the room and the door closed. She looked up at the empty ceiling. Pondering her mind and just as she began to close her eyes, they opened with shock. That was it- "I love you." It came back to her as if it had never been forgotten, it was so clear now. Richard Castle told her he loved her. She looked over to her bag that Lanie had brought for her from her apartment, she reached for it and got her phone. She was so tempted to call Castle. So tempted to hear his voice and to talk about what had happened. She bit her lip and then the thought of Josh and what does this mean now. Now she was confused and unsure. She placed the phone on her nightstand and looked out the window covered in raindrops. She closed her eyes and a drop fell from her right eye.


	6. Ch:6 Flowers for your room

The rain was still pouring down on the streets of Manhattan as Castle debated on which flowers he wanted to buy. Alexis waited in the car, texting her boyfriend. Castle picked up some daisies, but set them back down. Then his eyes met with the perfect bunch of flowers to give to Beckett.

"I'll take these." Castle smiled at the florist. He gave the florist cash and grabbed the colorful bouquet.

"Those are really pretty dad, she'll love them." Alexis said, as he got into the backseat of their car. He smiled in return, and the car pulled away towards the hospital.

_**Hospital…**_

The hallways of the hospital were quiet, except for the occasional nurse or doctor walking by. Beckett's doctor had just informed Beckett that she could go home the next day, but had to stay on bed rest.

"You'll be back to work in no time boss." Esposito smiled. Lanie was sitting in the chair, wearing a red blouse with dark jeans, next to Beckett's bed, and Esposito leaned against the wall with his arms folded wearing a black polo shirt with dark denim jeans. Beckett was sitting up straight in an Indian style position.

"Tell that to the psychologist I'll have to have clear me, so I can come back." Beckett replied. Beckett looked at her cell phone for like the twentieth time that hour. Lanie watched her.

"Honey, I'm sure he's coming." Lanie comforted. Beckett looked up at her and nodded. This all felt so familiar, like when Castle left for the summer and didn't bother to tell any of them he was home.

"Do any of you guys know what happened to Josh's face? He wouldn't say exactly…" Beckett asked, changing the subject. Lanie looked over at Esposito signaling for him to be the one to tell.

"A...I don't...Lanie you're the doctor, what does it look like happened?" Esposito said, passing it back to Lanie. She smirked at him with a look of 'just you wait until later.'

"Hey guys!" Ryan smiled, as he walked into the room in his usual dark suit with a matching vest, and blue tie. Lanie and Esposito felt relieved that Ryan had interrupted.

"We were just about to tell Beckett about Josh and the accident…" Esposito hinted to Ryan. Ryan looked confused for a moment, but then smiled.

"If you call Castle's fist running into his face an accident." Ryan laughed, Esposito shook his head. Lanie looked at Beckett smiling nervously. Beckett's green eyes popped out.

"What? Castle punched him in the fa…when?" Beckett exclaimed. She couldn't believe it. She had only seen Castle angry enough to ever hit someone when someone had threatened her.

"You… didn't know?" Ryan asked, and looked at Esposito with a look of 'whoops' on his face.

"Do you know why?" Beckett asked them more calmly. They all shrugged.

"I don't know, that's something you'll have to ask him sweetie." Lanie replied, resting her hand on Beckett's.

_**Twenty minutes later…**_

Beckett sat in her hospital bed, trying to finish buttoning up her shirt. Her left arm was sore from the needles, and IV bags, and also from the hard fall to the ground in the cemetery. She flinched as she bended her arm to button the third button. Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan had left to go get some dinner together and meet up with Jenny, Ryan's fiancée. The doctor had just been in to check on Beckett's stitches again, and a nurse helped her change into a hospital gown for the quick exam. Everything seemed normal and the doctor instructed her to take it easy for the next few weeks. There was a big chance a scar would be left, as if she didn't have enough to be reminded of what had happened.

Just then there was a knock on the door. Beckett without thinking, quickly whipped her upper body around. She yelled out in pain. And Castle quickly ran over to her, dropping the flowers on the floor.

"Kate!" Castle said, as he let her grab his arm. She winced, as she turned forward towards the window and she let her three fingers touch her chest. She didn't want to show how vulnerable she was, but it was too late.

"I'm…okay Castle, thanks." She said softly, looking up into his kind blue eyes. He kept his eyes locked on hers.

"Oh! A…" Castle said as he got up and picked up the bunch of flowers. He walked over and handed them to her, she smiled. She loved how thoughtful and sweet he was.

"That's so sweet Castle, thank you." She smiled, her eyes watering. There were already many bouquets of flowers, balloons, and cards in her room but these stood out the most to her- because they meant the most. He smiled at her. On any other day he would've noticed right away that Beckett's shirt was revealing some cleavage, but it took him a while until he glanced down and saw her black bra.

Beckett wasn't aware either, and she looked down to see where his eyes had stopped and she immediately turned red.

"Oh my Gosh…that's embarassing" Beckett exclaimed, as Castle's eyes looked towards the window even thought he was really wanting to look.

"You have _nothing_ to be embarrassed about detective." Castle smiled, still staring out the rainy window. Beckett smirked at him. She tried to button up the next button where the middle of her stomach was shown, but she gave out a small sign of struggle.

"Do you want me to help you?" Castle offered. She looked up and contemplated, but finally nodded- she was in so much pain she didn't mind. Castle turned to her, their legs touching each other. Castle placed his hands on each side of her blouse and buttoned the button she had struggled with. Beckett watched him as he leaned, she could feel the hairs on her arms and neck stand up- and not because it was cold. She could feel the warmth of his hands near her chest as he worked his way up. She watched him, and he was on the next button. Castle tried not to show how nervous he was feeling, he was trying to be careful.

"Who would've thought I'd ever be letting you button me up?" Beckett joked.

"Who would've ever thought I would be helping a hot woman get into her clothes?" Castle replied with a flirtatious grin. She shook her head. She loved the banter, and flirting with him.

Castle was on the last button, when he saw it- the stitches covering just above her bra. He stopped and Beckett noticed this, she looked down at his hands. His right hand had a light bruise on the knuckles. She could tell this was the hand that he used to hit Josh. She decided not to bring that up now. She placed her hand on his.

"The doctor said it should heal up in the next few weeks pretty nicely, but it'll scar." Beckett said looking down at it.

She removed her hand from his, and he finished the last button. He looked up at her with a sad look.

"I'm sorry." Castle admitted, looking at her. She creased her brow.

"Castle, you didn't do anything. If anything you saved me…again." Beckett smiled, she put her right hand on his left knee. He was wearing dark denim jeans and a dark gray, plaid button-up shirt. She could smell his cologne, and it gave her the chills again.

"I mean for before…the argument. I was out of line." Castle replied. Beckett looked at him with her concerning eyes. She remembered their fight. Castle had come over to her apartment trying to stop her from going on any further with her investigation. He was trying to protect her, and she didn't want to hear it.

"Me too... I'm sorry too Rick."

"They have stuff for scars- lotions and creams." Castle suggested, changing the subject. Beckett tilted her head slightly.

"And I suppose you want to help with that too?" She flirted with a grin. Castle raised his right eyebrow and laughed. Just then Alexis entered the room.

"Hey guys." Alexis said, smiling as she set her purse down in the chair by the window.

"Hey, Alexis." Beckett smiled, as Alexis gave her a light hug- trying to be cautious.

"I was in the bathroom, and Gram called me." Alexis said, as she sat down in the chair in front of them.

"Well there's nothing to do really in here…there is a deck of cards in the drawer over there." Beckett offered, pointing at the drawer as Alexis opened it and took out the deck.

"I call dealer!" Castle said, grabbing the deck.

"I've become quite the pro, thanks to my dad." Alexis boasted, patting him on the shoulder.

"Let's just hope you don't bluff like him." Beckett joked. Castle squinted his eyes at her.


	7. Ch:7 It's Over

_**Just wanted to say thank you to all the feedback I've been getting for this story! I really appreciate it! I love writing about Castle and Beckett, and the feedback always inspires me to write more Hope you enjoy the next chapter guys! ~Ash xo**_

The rain had finally stopped, and it was cooler outside than it had been in the past few days. Castle had taken Alexis home, and Beckett was watching TV in her room. She had a great day with Castle, but they still needed to talk. She had no idea how to bring it up to him and wondered if he would ever mention it or let it pass like they always did when it came to them confronting their feelings for each other. Beckett reached for the chocolate pudding that the nurse had left for her and she started to eat it as she watched TV, and there was a tap on the door.

"Hey." Josh smiled, as he entered the dim lit room. She had totally forgotten to call him, since she was so worried about Castle's phone call.

"Hey, I'm sorry I forgot to call…I had a lot of visitors today."

"That's okay, I'm glad you're up and feeling better." Josh smiled. He walked over towards the window where bunches of flowers were taking over the room. He looked at them all and then turned to see the bunch that Castle had brought, sitting in a vase on Beckett's bedside. Beckett glanced over to see what he was looking at and she immediately felt awkward.

"So, was Castle one of your visitors today?" Josh asked, in a jealous tone.

"Yeah, he stopped by with his daughter and hung out for a little."

"Hm."

"What?" Beckett asked, wondering what his problem was. She had never seen him like this. Josh shrugged his shoulders showing he meant nothing by his comment, and he sat on her bedside next to her. Beckett put her hand on his and then looked at the bruise on his face from Castle and decided this was the perfect time to discuss it.

"Josh I know." Beckett admitted, and he looked at her with a confused look. She touched his jaw, touched it lightly with her soft fingers and looked down. Josh looked surprised that she knew.

"It was nothing, just with everything going and things just got heated and we got into a spiff…" Josh explained.

"I know Castle, and it takes more than a spiff to make that man want to hit anyone- he's not violent." Beckett replied. Josh started to look mad.

"So it's my fault? Right, okay…I get it. I get it now, actually I got it a long time ago Kate. I've seen and heard things about you guys. You know when I started to date you I thought all we might end up talking about is my job or your work as a cop, because our jobs are so demanding. But I never thought I'd have to hear about a writer guy all the time, he's all you ever talk about."

"He's a part of my work…and my life." Beckett said softly.

"I think it's more than that Kate." Josh responded, looking up at her. He knew deep down that this wasn't going to last, and he knew that there was something between Castle and her. But he never acknowledged it, since he was always away.

"He's a friend, Josh. And he's been through a lot with me…and he will _**always**_ be in my life." Beckett said, emphasizing the word always. Josh had his hands in his hair, showing his frustration. They both knew what was happening- it was over.


	8. Ch:8 Breakfast Chat

After all the rain, the sun had finally decided to come out. It was 9:00 am and the streets of Manhattan were just beginning to bustle with noise of cabs, cars, and people rushing to get to their next destination. The trees were swaying from the light breeze passing throughout the buildings and streets. Beckett stood at the window staring down into the street, watching as people started their days. She had broken up with Josh the night before and was feeling as if a small weight had been lifted off her chest. She was wearing jeans and a blue button up shirt. Beckett closed her eyes wishing she was sitting at her desk with Castle. She wished she was sitting at her desk watching Esposito and Ryan trying to make paper balls into their waste bin. And she also wished Captain Montgomery was still alive. If only the bullet that was taken out of her chest could have also taken away some of the pain and guilt she was feeling.

"Katie, you ready?" Beckett's dad asked, standing in the doorway holding her bags. Beckett turned and smiled, with a nod of yes. She was finally leaving the hospital.

_**Castle's apartment…**_

Castle had just gotten out of the shower, and was brushing his teeth. He dried his hair and added some gel to it. Castle walked over to his walk-in closet, and tripped over a bag. He turned around to pick it up. He unzipped it and saw the black button-up shirt with blood stained on it- Beckett's blood. Even though it was black, he could still see wear it was stained darker in spots. It was the shirt he was wearing the day she was shot. He could feel the emotions coming back. He shoved the black shirt back into the bag and he tossed the bag onto the floor again.

Castle went back to his closet and put on a white v-neck shirt, then a dark blue plaid button-up shirt over it, with jeans. He sprayed some cologne on and then made his way to the kitchen. Alexis had already left for school, and Martha was attempting to make eggs in the kitchen.

"Good morning mother." Castle smiled, as he poured some coffee into a mug.

"Good morning Richard, could you?" Martha asked, as she gestured that she was in need of help with cooking.

"I would say you need to learn how to do it yourself, but I don't want to have run out and buy more eggs." He joked.

"Well you haven't lost your sense of humor, I see." Martha smiled, as she sat down at the counter in an elegant robe. Castle finished cooking the eggs and served them to her and started to make himself some.

"Beckett gets released today." Martha announced, trying to beat around the obvious bush.

"Yep." Castle replied, finishing his perfect omelet.

"So…"

"Her dad is taking her home, she needs to rest." Castle said, sitting down next to his mother.

"Darling, knowing that girl she doesn't want to lay around and _rest_. Otherwise she should've stayed in the hospital." Martha said, taking a bite of her breakfast. And she was right. Castle knew Beckett well, and she was hardly the type of person who would want to do nothing- especially with the man out there who shot her.

"Are you going to see her?" Martha asked.

"I was going to call her…later." Castle said, sipping his coffee. Just then Castle's phone cell phone rang. He looked at it as he picked it up off the counter- it was Beckett.

"Well, looks like later is now." Martha replied with a smile.


	9. Ch:9 Swingset Confessions

_**Thanks again everyone for the lovely feedback I really appreciate it. This chapter sort of has **__**SPOILERS**__** for the place they're going to be. I'm pretty sure everyone has seen the photos online though lol I just kind of took that scene and made it my own. Hope you like it! xo Ash**_

Castle gave the cab driver money, and walked over towards the park Beckett had asked him to meet her at. He looked around for her, but didn't see her. There were some young children playing together on the slides, as their parents watched. Castle looked at his watch- 12:04pm. He took his black jacket off and folded it over his right arm.

Beckett walked from her apartment to the park since it was only a few blocks away, and she needed the fresh air. She was wearing her usual heels, with dark denim skinny jeans, a white low-cut blouse, and a black leather jacket that fit her body perfectly. You would never guess she had been in the hospital from being shot in the chest if you walked past her. Her hair was long and wavy as it blew in the wind. She crossed the street and arrived at the park. She walked past a hotdog vendor and smiled, because she knew how much Castle loved eating hotdogs. She looked around and spotted him right away in the distance near a swing set. He had his back to her as she approached him. Her stomach felt nervous, and full of butterflies. The wind blew and made the trees sway, along with the flowers planted in the ground. The wind also blew past Beckett and her light brown hair lifted up into the breeze, and the sweet smell of her perfume drifted its way to Castle. He immediately picked up on the familiar scent of cherries and turned around to see Beckett a few feet away. Castle smiled.

"Hey Castle." Kate smiled.

"Hey." Castle smiled back.

"Thanks for meeting me."

"Yeah, of course. I was actually planning to call you today. I would've come over to your place if you wanted." Castle offered.

"No, I need the air. If I sat inside for another minute I would explode." Beckett replied, smiling at him still. He looked good.

"You look great." Castle was so in awe of her beauty still. Beckett blushed.

"Oh a…" Castle pulled out his book from under his jacket, "I brought you this." Kate took the _Heat Rises _book from Castle. She smiled looking at it. Nikki Heat was holding a gun up, on a golden cover with the city skyline in the background.

"Wow, she's not naked." Beckett joked. She hated the naked silhouette of Nikki on the last two books; it just made things harder at work.

"I decided to leave that for inside the book, chapter seven." Castle winked. She rolled her eyes in a cute way and shook her head.

"Thank you Castle." Beckett said, as she looked at the book.

They looked at each other for a moment, letting the sounds around them fill the silence. Castle's heart felt light and he was so happy to just be near her again. Beckett took another step towards him, their feet were just about to touch. She was only inches from his face. He stared at her beautiful, caring green eyes. Beckett used her eyes to look at his lips to his blue eyes staring into hers.

"Do you like swings?" Beckett asked, nodding her head to her left to the swing set. And she started to walk towards the swing set, leaving Castle with a grin. He followed her over to the swings and set his jacket down on one, and sat next to her.

"So how are you feeling?" Castle asked, as Beckett was looking at the back of the book cover.

"Better. It's hard to sleep though, knowing there's someone still out there." Beckett replied, looking up at the street.

"I haven't been able to sleep, I just keep thinking about that day. You falling and there was nothing I could do."

"It all happened so fast Castle. And you did do something for me," Beckett paused, "you made me feel…safe." Castle looked up at her. He wondered if she remembered anything else.

"I just wish I could've done more." Castle said.

"After my mother was killed I was so determined to find out more, to get the truth. I closed myself off from everyone around me. The only thing that helped me get away from it all was a book I bought at a book store. And after I finished, I bought two more from the same author." Beckett spoke, and she rubbed her hand over Castle's picture on the back of the book when she said _author_.

"You helped me before you even knew me Castle." Beckett admitted. Castle took this all in, he felt so touched by her words. He knew it wasn't easy for her to open up like that, so it made it even more special to him.

The wind blew past them again and the smell of Castle's cologne made its way to Beckett. She inhaled the smell, and felt butterflies.

"Where's the motorcycle boy at?" Castle asked, not really wanting to know.

"We broke up, last night." Beckett admitted. Castle felt so relieved, but didn't want to show it on his face in front of Beckett.

"I take it you heard about what happened between Josh and me." Castle assumed, as looked down at his hands. Beckett nodded. He folded them together on his lap and looked back at her.

"You were right, what you said to me that night, about hiding. I just didn't want to hear it." Beckett said.

"Kate I was angry and saying things in the heat of the moment. It wasn't my place."

"And sometimes that's when you get to really say what you mean and how you feel, I'm a cop remember?" Beckett smiled and continued, "A lot of things can be said in the heat of the moment. Sometimes you mean them…sometimes you don't."

Beckett was referring to Castle saying "I love you." He got a hint of where she was headed with this and wasn't sure what was about to happen next.


	10. Ch:10 See you tomorrow

_**Thank you everyone for your kind feedback! I am very sorry for the long wait. I just started my college courses this week and have been very busy with that. I also had some trouble thinking of how to go about this next chapter, it's short but I think I did okay. Thanks for reading! ~Ashley **_

The breeze continued to blow through the park, as the sun beamed down. Castle and Beckett were still sitting on the swings, unsure about what the other was thinking.

"Was that kiss we shared in the moment too?" Beckett asked. She almost couldn't believe the question had slipped out of her mouth.

"You tell me." Castle replied. Beckett was hoping he would have an answer.

"I don't really know." Beckett said, starring deeper into his gaze. Castle sighed.

"That makes two of us." Castle said. They were so confused. Beckett knew they had to talk, so much had happened to them these past few months. She was a cop. She could get an answer.

"Castle, what did you say to me before I blacked out?" she asked, already knowing the answer. Castle immediately got tense. He was hoping to clear the air, but he just didn't expect it to happen so soon.

"I wanted you to stay with me." Castle answered.

"Was that all?" she asked, in a tone that was implying that there was more.

"I was scared, I was losing you." Castle spoke. Beckett felt like this could be an excuse for him expressing himself. She could see the hurt in his eyes. This was a man who obviously cared about her, a man she trusted, a man she needed to get an answer out of. But as always, a cell phone went off. It was Castle's. Castle looked down and he looked at Beckett apologetically as he answered. She nodded it was okay.

"Hello?" Castle answered. Beckett looked away to see the park was getting more crowded with young kids and their nannies or parents. She was unsure of what to do next. Castle hung up the phone and looked at Beckett.

"Sorry about that, it was Alexis- she got out of class early and is going away this weekend with her boyfriend's family."

"Bet you don't like that idea." Beckett joked.

"No, not really." Castle said. Castle found it hard to deal with that his little girl was growing up. Beckett stood up from the swing, and castle followed her.

"I um…should get going. Lanie is coming over soon, she'll freak out if I'm not there." Beckett smiled. Castle didn't want her to leave yet.

"Let me walk you home, or get a cab." Castle offered. He didn't want her to be alone, especially after what had just happened.

"No it's okay, Castle." She said.

"I'll feel a lot better." Castle spoke, giving her a look that made her give in.

"Alright." Beckett agreed . Castle grabbed his jacket off the swing and they began walking over the bright green grass to the sidewalk.

As they walked, they discussed Alexis and Martha's acting school. Beckett told Castle that Esposito had mentioned how he saw a flash of something in the distance at the cemetery the day she was shot. They walked past café's, shops, and many street vendors selling food and art work. They walked side by side, until they reached the stoop of Beckett's apartment building.

"So…" Castle said.

"So." Beckett repeated. She fumbled her keys in her hand, like it was a date ending.

"Oh a…I have a book signing, tomorrow night at 7:00. It's actually a few blocks from here off Broadway. I don't know if you want to go, you don't have to. But I'd love to see you…come." Castle said, smiling. Beckett looked down at her book and then back at Castle.

"Well I'm a fan of the writer, and I have a book, so sure I'll try and stop by." Beckett smiled. Castle lit up and grinned.

"Great, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." Castle said.

"Yep, I'll see you tomorrow." Beckett replied. She stood there for a moment, the both felt a little awkward. Castle smiled, and turned away and took a few steps. Beckett watched him, she felt like they hadn't solved anything and had gotten nothing accomplished, as usual. The problem was the both of them were scared. They were scared of the truth. Beckett stuck her key into the door, and began to turn it.

"Kate." Castle yelled. Beckett turned around immediately with a hopeful look on her face. Castle walked towards her and he took a step up where she was standing. They looked at each other for a moment. And Castle leaned towards her and put his arms around her, pulling her into a soft hug. Beckett didn't expect it, but she was glad he did it. She responded by putting her arms around him, holding him tight. It felt nice having his strong arms around her body, she could smell the cologne on his neck and she melted. Castle held her for almost a minute, smelling her hair. He didn't want to let her go. They eventually pulled apart and Castle brushed a piece of hair away from Beckett's blushing face.

"See you tomorrow." He smiled softly, and walked away for the second time but feeling more convinced than ever that he was in love. And Beckett felt like whatever unresolved issues they had had, were gone.

_**Thanks for reading guys! I hope you liked it. I know many of you are probably going nuts about how they didn't talk yet, but it will come soon I try my best to make it like an episode, and we all know that they always get interrupted by something or someone when they're about to talk or they're having a moment lol. I will try my best to have a new chapter up before the weekend is up! **_

_**Ashley**_


	11. Ch:11 Say it already

_**Hey guys, thanks so much for the wonderful feedback! Sorry to leave you guys hanging for a few days, had the hurricane going on here on the east coast and also tons of school work. But here is the next chapter, hope you like it! xo Ashley**_

Beckett could still feel the feeling of Castle's arms around her as she entered her apartment. She tossed her keys on a nearby end table and hung up her leather jacket. She went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge. As she did there was a knock on the door.

"It's me." Lanie yelled through the door. Beckett walked over to the door and opened it.

"Hey Lanie." Beckett said, as her friend gave her a hug.

"Hungry?" Lanie asked, as she walked into the kitchen with some take-out. Beckett nodded her head, and followed her to the kitchen island. Lanie began pulling out the white take out cartons and stopped when she the book lying on the counter. Beckett noticed her looking at it.

"When did you get that?" Lanie asked, looking at the _Heat Rises_ book still.

"Oh..um Castle gave it to me." Beckett said. She hadn't told Lanie about seeing Castle.

"Today?" she asked, looking at Beckett now.

"Yep. Why?"

"I didn't know you guys were seeing each other today, I could've come over later and gave you two more time to dance around your feelings." Lanie smirked. Everyone could see it between Castle and Beckett. In fact Lanie, Esposito, and Ryan still had bets placed on when and who was going to confront their feelings first, so far no one was winning. Beckett grabbed the book and flipped through it, acting like she didn't hear Lanie's last remark. Lanie shook her head at this.

"Girl, you need to say it already." Lanie pleaded. Beckett put the book down again and crossed her arms.

"What?" Beckett asked, playing dumb. Lanie tilted her head, with a 'girl please' look on her face.

"Lanie, it's…" Beckett went.

"If you say _complicated_ I'm a smack you." Lanie said with an attitude. Beckett reached for the white carton of fried rice to pour onto her plate, but Lanie put a chopstick on her hand blocking her. Beckett looked at her and sighed.

"What do you want me to say? I like him? Fine I like Castle." Beckett admitted in a sarcastic but unconvincing tone.

"Like, like?" Lanie asked like a high school girl. Beckett smirked.

"What is this junior high? Can I please have some rice now?" Beckett demanded, and Lanie moved her chopstick away. Beckett began pouring some rice and then some chicken and broccoli onto her plate. Lanie began eating, and she wasn't finished with the subject yet.

_**Castle's apartment…**_

Castle walked into his apartment feeling so happy and light. He took off his jacket and laid it on the couch. He walked over to the kitchen to find something to eat. He pulled out some lunchmeat, mayo, cheese, lettuce, and tomato. He walked over to the cabinet to get some bread when the door went off. He placed the bread on the marble countertop and he creased his brow curious who it could be.

"Hello Mr. Castle, this was delivered downstairs for you." The doorman said, handing Castle a thick envelope. Castle looked at it curiously and accepted it.

"Thank you Ed." He said to the doorman with a smile. And he shut the door. He saw no return address on it, just a few stamps and his name and address. He placed it on the coffee table and returned to making his sandwich, before opening it.

"Richard?" Martha asked walking into the apartment. She was carrying a few shopping bags, and dropped them by the couch.

"In here, mother." Castle replied, as he took a bite of his sandwich.

"Oh, so how did it go with Kate?" she asked, rolling up her sleeves of her dark purple top.

"Good." Castle managed to say with a big chunk of his sandwich still in his mouth. Martha smiled.

"What did you discuss?" Martha asked. She, just like Lanie, was hoping that he and Beckett had talked about their feelings.

"I know where you headed with this mother…" Castle said, squinting his blue eyes.

"Hey dad, gram!" Alexis said as she tossed her backpack onto the couch and set her schoolbooks down on the table.

"Hey sweetie, how was your day? I thought you were with Ash?" Castle asked, taking another bite.

"He's going to pick me up in a little while, he had some errands to run before we left. What are we talking about?" Alexis replied, walking to the kitchen island.

"Your father was just telling me about Beckett, when he saw her today." Martha replied smiling at Castle. He was chewing his food, and had a creased brow.

"Oh! Did you guys finally talk?" Alexis asked hopefully, as she sat in a stool.

"You too, huh?" Castle nodded. He felt like he was being interrogated by his own family about his feelings for Beckett.

_**The next night….**_

Beckett took a shower, being careful not to get her stitches wet on her chest. She put some make-up on her face, she always looked natural and never wore her make-up dark. She added a light lipstick to her soft lips and then sprayed some perfume on herself before drying her hair. She got dressed into a white t-shirt, and dark denim skinny jeans. She sat on the edge of her bed zipping the sides of her dark brown boots. That she wore over her jeans. She went into the bathroom once again fixing her hair, making it wavy. Her hair was grown out to the middle of her back now. When she had first met Castle it was a cute short cut, but it had taken almost three years to get it to this long wavy length- anyway she had it she looked beautiful. She grabbed her jacket in the living room and walked over to the kitchen counter to grab the book. She smiled at it. Castle had written three books based on their partnership. He had one more book to write in his contract, and she began to wonder if he would write more after the next one. She shut off the lights and opened her door to leave, she turned around making sure to lock it.

As she walked outside onto the front steps of her building her cell phone went off.

"Beckett." She answered.

"Hey, boss what are you up too?" Esposito asked.

"I don't know, you tell me." Beckett said smiling, as she waved across the street to Esposito and Ryan. They stayed outside her apartment making sure she was safe. The two of them looked at each other with surprised looks, they thought they had been careful.

"Your protective detail is on a break. We were gonna knock and come up, but then you came out." Ryan said, grabbing the phone from Esposito. Beckett hung up her cell phone and walked to their now very visible car. Esposito rolled down his window.

"I'm going to Castle's book signing a few blocks away, and no I don't want or need a ride boys before you ask." She ordered, smiling. They didn't like that idea.

"Well then we'll just walk with you." Ryan insisted, as the two guys got out of the car. She tilted her head, she wasn't going to win this. She smiled and rolled her eyes in a cute way. She loved how they protected her like a sister. They began walking up the street on the quiet street of Beckett's neighborhood towards the bookstore.


	12. Ch:12 Always

Beckett, Esposito, and Ryan walked into the crowded bookstore. She had her book in her hand, grasping it tightly.

"So you guys…" Beckett went to say, and then she stopped. Ryan and Esposito immediately detected the hors d'oeuvres being served and went into the crowd. Beckett smiled and shook her head.

She made her way through the crowds of people sipping on their lattes and people on their laptops. She saw cardboard cut out's of Castle holding his book _Heat Rises_. There were seats being filled at the other side of the store, fans that were waiting anxiously to meet the author and get his autograph. Beckett flashed back, in her mind, to a time when she was one of these fans waiting in a long line to meet Richard Castle. But now all she had to do was pick up the phone, or show up to work at 8 am to see him waiting her arrival at her desk with a coffee.

Beckett could hear some of the crowd get excited and could see flashes from cameras as Castle came into view, across the room. He was wearing a black striped suit with a dark gray button-up shirt and a grin on his handsome face. He sat at a table with a pen, a glass of water, and a few of his books stacked on the table. Beckett watched him in his own environment. It was different to see him doing his job, compared to him watching her all the time. She smirked at the group of women who were gushing over him.

"Oh Kate, you're here my dear." Martha said, as Beckett turned to her. Beckett smiled, as they hugged. Martha smiled back at her as they released from their hug.

"I am so glad you're alright, Kate. And you know you don't have to wait in line to see Richard dear, you can go up there."

"Oh that's alright. I think I'll wait until I can talk to him…alone." Beckett replied, smiling as she looked at Castle signing books.

"Yes, it takes some getting used to." Martha spoke and Beckett looked at her confused, "the fans and publicity."

"He makes it look easy." Beckett said.

"How are you feeling?" Martha asked, in a concerned tone.

"Alright, I guess. It still doesn't seem like it happened. Martha, I'm sorry that you and Alexis…"

"You have nothing to be sorry for my dear. We're all just so happy you're alright. Richard was so worried about you, he didn't leave the hospital until he knew for certain that you were okay. He's really grown into quite a man these past few years, and I think you might have something to do with it." Martha said, smiling. Beckett couldn't help but blush a little and her left side of her lips smiled slightly at her words.

About twenty minutes had gone by. Castle walked around the room, signing books and taking pictures. He looked around the room trying to spot Beckett. He perused the crowd and spotted Ryan and Esposito snacking on bacon wrapped scallops, and drinking champagne. He smirked.

"Sign my book, Mr. Castle?" Beckett asked, standing behind Castle. He smiled at the sound of her voice, and he turned around. She smiled.

"Anything for a fan." Castle said, taking the book from her grasp.

"Quite the turn out." Beckett said, looking around the crowded room.

"You look nice, detective." Castle complimented, glancing his eyes quickly down and then back up to her face.

"You look pretty good yourself, writer." She replied, looking down and then back up at his intrigued face. Just then a man accidentally bumped into Beckett, and she went into Castle. She got a whiff of his mild cologne and her insides went crazy.

"Want to step outside, get some air?" Castle offered, still holding her book. She nodded yes, and they made their way to the doors and onto the much quieter sidewalk. The air was cool, but had a humid feel to it also.

"So." Beckett said, awkwardly.

"So." Castle repeated. They didn't really know what to say.

"I was going to go down to the twelfth tomorrow morning." Beckett said, breaking the silence.

"So soon?" Castle blurted out.

"Castle, just because I got shot doesn't mean crime has come to a hault." Beckett replied. Castle wasn't sure how to go about this.

"I know, I just…I just didn't expect you would go back so soon. Do the guys know?" Castle asked, referring to Esposito and Ryan.

"They'll know tomorrow." Beckett said. Castle still didn't like this.

"Kate, I…" Castle hesitated. Beckett was confused, and was trying to keep herself calm.

"What?" Beckett asked, creasing her brow.

"I don't know why, but, I feel like you need time. You just got out of the hosp…" Castle tried to say, but she cut him off.

"That's why. I have to go back to work Castle. As crazy as it may sound…I need it. I need to be back there. I need something to keep from going insane. I don't need _time_, everyone keeps telling me I need time, and I don't. What I need is…"

"What you need is to realize that you almost died." Castle said in a very serious tone, as Beckett looked up at him in shock, "You almost died Kate." Beckett's eyes were staring right into his concerned blue eyes. She could feel her heart sinking. She knew she had to say it now.

"And what about you, Castle, what have you realized out of all this?" Beckett asked, getting a bit irritated. She needed him to say it. She wanted him to say it. Castle creased his brow, and his heart skipped a beat. There they stood in the middle of the sidewalk, both unable to read each other. She had him cornered like a suspect.

"I... I realized how much more _this_ means to me. More than a book, or solving a murder." Castle admitted. He was beating around the _obvious_ bush. "And a big part of me still feels like this is my fault. And I know you're going to say it isn't, but I still feel like it is. I always pushed for you to look into your mother's case. You're an extraordinary woman. You deserve to have closure and peace."

"That day in the cemetery, did you mean it?" Beckett demanded. Castle looked at her, and then the door flew open.

"Hey guys, we were looking for you." Ryan said, with a plate of food in his hand. Esposito and Ryan looked at Beckett then at Castle.

"Oh, a… sorry are we…" Esposito went.

"We definitely are." Ryan admitted, in an apologetic tone.

"Guess I should sign this." Castle said, opening the book to the blank page. He thought for a moment and then began writing with his sharpie on the crisp new blank page of the book. He closed it and looked at Beckett, as he handed it to her.

"We should get going." Beckett said to the guys. She felt like the air still wasn't cleared between her and Castle. She didn't know how to tell him how she felt about him, and he didn't know either.

"Thanks for coming." Castle smiled at them, and he kept his eyes on Beckett. They started to walk away from Castle. He felt empty, and just wanted to scream out to her. But he didn't know what this could do to them.

"Beckett." Castle yelled, and she turned. They looked at each other for a moment, and then she continued walking.

Beckett said goodnight to Ryan and Esposito, then walked up the stairs to her apartment. She walked into her apartment and took off her jacket and threw her keys on the end table. She went into the dim lit kitchen and placed the book on the counter, once again. She was scared to tell Castle about her feelings, and she was also scared, in a way, to hear his and if they were true. She went into the fridge and got a bottled water out, and began to drink it. She ran her fingers through her long brown hair, frustrated.

Beckett picked up the book, and opened it to see what he wrote. She read it:

_**I meant it and I'll stand with you, always. **_

She stared at the words, and reread them again. She hadn't expected it. She felt her face flush and her heart skipped a beat. She looked up slowly, still holding the novel open in her hands. Her eyes wandered back and forth, and she bit her lip. Her heart was pounding, and she felt so light. Her hands closed the book. She rushed to grab her jacket off the hook, grabbed her keys, and ran out the door.

Beckett walked at a fast pace down the city sidewalk. The bookstore wasn't far from her apartment. She had so much going through her mind. She was unsure of how to react to this. This was his way of saying he meant it, the 'I love you.' Beckett was only two more blocks away. She was nervous, and hoped he was still there. She passed taxi's being hailed by other New Yorker's, and street vendors were closing their carts. She could see the store ahead. As she got closer, she focused her eyes around her to find him. All she had to do was cross the street now and she would be there. The pedestrian walk light came on and she continued. And before she made it to the curb, there he was walking out of the store.

Beckett froze when she got to the sidewalk; she was still a few yards from him. Castle looked down the sidewalk where Beckett was standing. He wasn't expecting her to be there. They stared at each other from a far for a few seconds, until Beckett finally got the feeling back in her legs and she continued to make her way towards him- slowly. Castle watched her slowly approach him with a serious look on her face. His heart was pounding just as fast as hers. Her heels made a clicking sound on the sidewalk as she walked, and he could see the book in her right hand. He wasn't sure how she was going to react. The only way he knew how to express himself was with words on paper. She kept her green eyes on him. Castle couldn't speak, and wasn't sure what she was about to say. Beckett was a few feet away from him and her pace started to quicken towards him.

"Kate…" but before Castle could say anything, Beckett reached her left hand out and pulled his head down into a deep kiss. Beckett let her left hand run through his hair as they kept their lips locked, his bottom lip in hers. Castle was so shocked, and it felt almost unreal. Her lips were so soft, just like before but this time it wasn't on the job. Beckett pulled away and looked into his mesmerizing blue eyes, and he stared into her gorgeous green ones. She smiled like a school girl who had just realized her first crush, and he smiled back. She looked at his lips and then back at his eyes, he loved when she did that. Then they both went in for another kiss. Castle wrapped both his arms around her slim body and pulled her in as close as he could. She could feel his heart beating under his coat against her body. She had both her arms wrapped around his neck, still holding the book. They continued to kiss passionately under the lights of the sparkling city. Beckett opened her mouth, allowing Castle into hers. Castle held her body tight, his right hand on the small of her back and the left one around her upper back. Together, they were crossing the thick line they had between them. Both were feeling the warm feeling rushing to their hearts more and more the deeper they kissed.

The city lit up the dark night, and the air was calm and cool as raindrops began to fall over the buildings and streets. They both released from each other's lips, wanting more. Beckett looked up as raindrops fell down onto her face. Castle watched her in awe. She looked back him.

"I love you too Rick." Beckett confessed as her eyes watered. She was so scared as she let the words come off her lips. She was taking a leap that she had been scared to take in so long. But Castle was worth it. Castle smiled back at her and he pulled her into another kiss.

"I think I've written this scene before." Castle said, referring to the end of his first Nikki Heat novel _Heat Wave _when Rook and Nikki kiss in the rain. Beckett smirked. She let her arms fall from his shoulders, and he let go of her body. She reached out her hand, and he placed his into hers. And then they started to walk together through the pouring rain, just like out of a book.

_**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I was debated on if I should just end it here or not… depends on what you guys think lol.I might pick this up again because I enjoyed working on it so much. Hopefully this story helped the wait for September 19**__**th**__**! I had some trouble with this chapter, because I wanted it all to tie for reading! I really appreciate it I'm trying to work on some more stories too. Xo Ashley**_


	13. Ch:13 Lazy Sundays

_**As you can see I have decided to continue with this story I made a "writers board" and wrote down several stories and ways of how I could go about this. I enjoyed writing this next chapter. Hope you enjoy it and I loved all of your feedback! You are all so kind and really inspire me to keep writing! It might be a few days until I update, because of the holiday weekend and I have some tests coming up this week. But I will keep writing when I have time. Two more weeks until the premiere! xo always, Ashley**_

The city was calm as the dark skies above started to lighten as dawn approached. The rain had stopped a few hours before, and the air was now crisp and cool. It was a lazy Sunday morning. The peaceful streets around Kate Beckett's neighborhood were silent except for the occasional car passing by, or a jogger running past. A light breeze swept in between the buildings, adding more coolness into the already cool air. A few puddles on the ground were the only evidence of rain from the night before.

Beckett opened her green eyes slowly and blinked a few times, trying to get the sleep out of her eyes. Her bedroom was dark, and she could make out the shapes of her dresser, closet doors, and small armchair in the room. The room was the perfect temperature, not warm but not cold. She yawned silently. She had slept very well, compared to all the other nights that week. It could be because of the peaceful rain hitting the windows that made her drowsy, or the fact that she was in her own bed and not in a hospital that had made her sleep so well. But it could quite possibly be because she hadn't slept alone that night. She could Castle's strong left arm lying across her stomach. She turned her head to the left of her soft pillow to see a peaceful- sleeping Castle lying next to her. She smiled as she watched him. She could hear him breathing softly, and she watched as his chest rose slowly up and down as he breathed quietly. He was lying on his right side, facing her as she lay on her back. She usually slept better on her stomach, but because of her stitches on her chest she didn't. Even though their warm bodies were right against each other underneath her white down comforter and he had his arm draped, comfortably, over her, she felt like she wasn't close enough to him. Three years ago she would've never pictured this- Richard Castle in her bed. She would've never allowed it then, no way. But it had been three years. Three years of getting to know each other through his child-like behavior and his failed attempts to woo her. He started out as a helpful source in her murder investigation and turned into a pain in her ass, but really he was a huge help- she wouldn't admit it then. Then she became his inspiration for his next book _Heat Wave_, or as he would like to call her his _muse_. Next came an unlikely partnership, trust, and then friendship. But now what were they?

_What the hell does this mean now?_ Beckett thought to herself, as she stared at the white blank ceiling above her bed. She looked back at Castle and creased her brow. He had told her he loved her with words and then in his own way on paper. She had told him with words, and then over and over again with her kisses just hours ago. She was relieved to have everything out in the open finally. She looked over at her nightstand to check her alarm clock- 6:18am. Even with all this time off she still woke up at the crack of dawn, she was used to it which is why she was always one of the first people to arrive at work. She reached for a petal that had fallen off the flowers, on her nightstand, that Castle given her at the hospital days ago. She rubbed it between her fingers, it was soft. She looked back at Castle and couldn't help but smile at him again as he let out a heavy breath. He looked so cute and quiet while he slept. She let the petal fall out of her hand and onto the covers. She reached her right hand over towards Castle's handsome face and let her fingers gently run through the few messy pieces of brown hair that had fallen flat against his forehead. His brow creased slightly, as he felt her soft touch. She withdrew her hand. Beckett slowly lifted his arm off of her body, as she carefully slid out from under the covers to get up. Her bare feet touched the hardwood floor, and she slipped her feet into her soft, black slippers that were on the edge of the bed. She stood up and turned back to Castle to pull the covers up over his arm. He moved around for a few seconds and readjusted himself so that he laid on his stomach now, still asleep.

He was wearing his pants still from the night before, but he had taken off the belt and unbuttoned them so that they were loose and more comfortable. He had on a shirt that Beckett had given him, at first he declined it thinking it was motorcycle boys, but then he recognized it as his own from when Beckett had borrowed it the year before when she had stayed over at his apartment after her old one had been blown up. He teased her for keeping his red shirt that long.

"_Like keeping souvenirs, huh?" Castle joked, as a rain- drenched Beckett held up the red shirt for him to wear. She tilted her head at him._

"_Shut up Castle." Beckett smiled, throwing the shirt at his face. He caught it as it fell, still smirking his boyish grin. _

"_Make me." Castle challenged. Beckett raised her left eyebrow at this smart comment. Castle was excited by this, and he looked at her with a smirk. She walked over slowly towards him, now inches from his face. She let both of her hands start on his rib cage and they worked their way slowly up the outside of his button-up shirt. He gulped. She smirked a flirtatious grin, and her eyes spoke for themselves making his insides go wild. She tugged on the collar of his shirt and his face came down to hers, he was in awe. She rubbed her nose softly against his as she began unbuttoning his rain drenched shirt- slowly enough to tease him. He kept his fascinated blue eyes on her sexy glare she was giving him as she pulled her face away from his. She worked her way down his wet black shirt, and had reached the final button. He gulped again, this time a little louder. She let out a soft laugh at this. She let her soft hands run up his firm damp chest and she pushed his shirt off, and let it fall off his arms and onto the hardwood floor of her dim lit bedroom. Castle was so nervous and intrigued at the same time. His heart was beating out his chest, he wondered if she had felt it. She dropped her hands from his chest and leaned up into his right ear. Her long brown, wavy, wet hair fell onto his chest and shoulders, tickling him and giving him goose bumps in this hot situation. A few drops of water dripped onto his chest and ran down his abdomen to his belt buckle, giving him a warm feeling in his stomach. They could feel the heat coming off of each other._

"_Mhmm, so all I ever had to do was this to get you to shut up all these years." Beckett whispered into his ear, smirking. He grinned as she pulled away with a satisfied look on her face knowing she won._

They hadn't done anything more but kiss and run their hands on each other's bodies. Even though Beckett was still recovering with her chest, they still wanted to take it slow. Saying I love you was enough for them, for that night anyways.

Beckett walked into the cold kitchen and she started the coffee pot. She stretched her long arms as she yawned again. She was wearing a loose dark purple t-shirt, with black yoga pants, her slippers, and a smile. She ran her fingers through her extra wavy hair, due to the rain, and she wondered what looked like now. She walked out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. She flicked on the light to see her face in the mirror. She was naturally beautiful, in need of hardly any make-up, she had slight dark circle under her eyes because of lack of sleep and well she had just been shot a week ago. She splashed some cold water onto her face to freshen up, and she brushed her teeth quickly. She tossed her brown hair around, and she put on some cherry chap stick. _Castle will like this,_ she thought grinning.

She walked out of the bathroom and back into the kitchen. Daylight had just begun peaking through the kitchen windows. The coffee was halfway brewed as she leaned on the counter waiting patiently. She wondered what they would say to each other once Castle woke up from his deep much needed sleep. She thought about work and if that argument was finished or not between them. She had to go back, it was her duty, her job. It's what she knew, and she was damn good at it. She could hear the puffs and sounds of water being steamed into the coffee pot. She stood up straight and went to the cupboard grabbing to mugs out of it, she placed them on the counter. She opened the fridge next. Leftover take-out sat in the fridge from when Lanie had been there two days ago. _Oh God Lanie! The boys! _She yelled in her head. What would they say? How would they tell them? She was pretty sure they would all be relieved since they had all been placing bets since day one of her adventure with Castle.

The food in her fridge was limited. She hadn't been to the store in weeks. She grabbed the cream, closed the fridge and then got out some sugar. The coffee was finished, and she took the pot and began to pour it into the two coffee mugs.

Richard Castle opened his eyes as he drew in a deep breath. It had only taken him a few seconds to remember exactly where he was and what had happened before. He smiled. He raised his head up and turned to his right side again, now off of his stomach. He looked at the empty sheets next to him and then at the alarm clock- 6:50am. He yawned and then rubbed his eyes. He had slept very well. He looked around the room, which was lightening up a bit more as the sky had started to become lighter outside the apartment. The white curtains were drawn over the windows, and the blinds were partly shut. The room was still dark because of the tan colored painted walls. Castle yawned again, and then heard the creak in the doorway. He flipped onto his back, smiling at the beautiful site in front him.

"Morning." Beckett said softly.

"Morning." Castle smiled. His voice sounded like he had just woken up, and Beckett found it sexy.

"I thought I'd bring you coffee for a change." Beckett smiled, as he handed him the mug carefully. She sat on the bed Indian style facing him. He sat up and leaned against her headboard.

"Thank you." Castle said, accepting the coffee mug. He inhaled the strong smell and blew on it gently. Beckett sipped hers as she watched him sip his carefully. He was surprised she knew how he liked his coffee, since he was always getting hers all the time.

"So." Castle said, placing his coffee on her nightstand. As he did he noticed his flowers, and he smiled. "What's the plan for today?"

Beckett finished sipping her coffee, and she placed her cup next to his on the nightstand. She leaned back and looked at him for a moment, blinking softly. She crawled up onto her knees so that they were now touching his thigh. He was still sitting up with his back against the headboard, and his legs were laid out comfortably. She rose up on her knees and she placed her right hand onto his strong chest. She leaned down and placed her lips onto his. He returned the kiss softly, as he took her bottom lip into his. _Cherries_ he thought. She kissed him softly and leaned back opening her eyes, giving him a moment. He opened his eyes slowly.

"I like that plan." Castle grinned. She smiled, and then laid onto her side so that the front of her body was against the side of his. He wrapped his right arm around her and held her tight, never wanting to let go. She let her free right hand stroke his chest. Feeling his heart beat a steady beat, unlike last night when she had teased him. He rubbed her shoulder softly with his right hand. They laid there comfortably, as if they had been doing it for years. They fit perfectly into each other's arms.

"So, are you going?" Castle asked, referring to the precinct. Beckett had forgotten.

"Tomorrow." She replied in a whisper.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he asked, hoping she'd say yes. But he would understand if she didn't. She waited a few seconds before answering.

"I think I should go alone, just for now." She answered, as she took in a deep breath of what was left of his cologne on his neck. Goosebumps rose on both their arms when she did this.

"Do you…" Castle went, but she stopped him.

"Shh, Castle could we just lay here and forget about tomorrow for now?" Beckett said, softly. As she rested her chin on his chest. He looked down at her beautiful face. Her long lashes curled perfectly, opening up her mesmerizing green eyes. He ran his other hand against her soft cheek and brushed a piece of her brown hair away from her face. He tucked his fingers under her chin, allowing his left thumb to run across her soft, cherry lips. She kissed his thumb as she closed her eyes. He was in such disbelief that this was happening, he was lying here with her, very much in love. She laid her head back down onto his right side of his chest and continued stroking his stomach and chest with her right hand. The two of them, holding onto each other, fell back asleep comfortably and slowly forgetting about tomorrow.

_**So what did you guys think? Hope you liked it, and thanks again for reading! I always love feedback, good or bad…hopefully good lol Until the next chapter! Ash**_


	14. Ch:14 Inspiration

Beckett's apartment remained silent and still until her cell phone vibrated, waking her up at 9:19am. Beckett slowly shifted her body away from Castle's warmth, to turn to her nightstand and grab her cell phone. Three missed calls. She clicked on the missed calls: Esposito, Ryan, and Lanie. She closed her phone and turned back to snuggle up next to Castle. She sighed as she got back into a comfortable position and it wasn't hard to get comfortable in Castle's arms. He moved around a little and opened his eyes. The sun was shining into the room slightly. He looked down next to him where Beckett was and smiled.

"Good morning…again." Castle smiled, stroking her arm gently.

"Morning." Beckett smiled. She sighed softly. Her hair looked so light in the sunlight. He admired it for a moment before speaking.

"I can't remember the last time I got to sleep like this…" Castle sighed, relaxing his left arm behind his head as he pondered. Beckett creased her brow.

"What, with a woman in bed with you?" Beckett asked, in a joking way. Castle looked back at her.

"A… no…well it's been a while since I… I mean not that I want you to think…I am going to shut up now." Castle stuttered, blushing. Beckett found this amusing. She sat up, leaning on her left elbow, facing him.

"So what exactly does this," Beckett said as she pointed back and forth at their bodies, "mean?"

"It means that my next book will actually have some truth to the _intimate_ parts between Rook and Nikki." Castle smirked, she tilted her head.

"Richard Castle, I swear this better not be in your next book."

"Hey I can't help it that you inspired me all night for a chapter in my next book, with your amazing kissing, and touching of my Castle parts." Castle admitted. She let out a soft laugh, and so did he. She stroked his chest up and down, making her way down his stomach as he sucked it in, being that he was nervous and ticklish. She bit her lip.

"Well if you thought _that_ was inspiring enough for a chapter, then just wait until next time. You'll have enough for a whole _book_." Beckett replied, emphasizing on the word book. Castle's heart almost stopped. He raised both eyebrows, and was feeling like the room was on fire. Beckett gave him a flirty grin, as she still stroked his stomach. She was always so good at getting him this way.

Castle looked down at her body, and she kept her eyes on his face letting him. He had always checked her out before, at work, in the car, and heck even crime scenes sometimes. Castle came back to reality as his phone went off under his pillow. He turned around sliding his hands under the soft pillow and grabbed his slick- black phone. Alexis' picture was on the screen, along with seven missed calls. Beckett nodded to him to answer, and he did.

"Hel…" Castle went to say, but Alexis cut him off. Beckett looked over at him on his cell phone, trying not to make it obvious that she was eavesdropping. She got off the bed, and started to pull out some clothes that she was going to wear that day to make herself look occupied. Castle's face looked shocked. She wondered what was wrong. She could hear Alexis not exactly sounding too happy on the other end. Beckett creased her brow and continued to pull out a black turtleneck shirt to lay on the bed next to the dark jeans she had on the unmade bed.

"I thought you wouldn't be home until tonight sweetie…otherwise I would've…" Castle got cut off once again. Castle sat back down on the bed, taking in the words his daughter was saying. Beckett thought she should give him some privacy, so she walked out of the room and into the bathroom. She tied her back into a loose bun and started to wash her face. She brushed her teeth once more and patted her mouth with a towel. She returned to the bedroom, cautiously, and found Castle sulking on the bed. She looked at him with concern, as she sat down next to him on the bed.

"Everything okay?" Beckett asked, assuming it wasn't by the look of him. Castle shook his head no. Beckett placed her left hand on his right knee. He smiled slightly, but not all the way.

"That was Alexis. She got home early from her weekend with Ash and his family. She came home and saw I wasn't there and…"Castle paused, "I should get going." Beckett looked at him surprised. She didn't want to drill out the reason why. Castle stood up and faced her, still sitting.

"Castle, you don't have to leave yet. I thought we could get some breakfast, my treat." Beckett smiled, hoping he'd agree. He found it so hard to not want to grab her up into his arms and kiss her. She was so beautiful. Her hair was tied back, loosely, and she was staring up at him with those gorgeous green eyes. He was so captivated by her. But he knew he had to go home. Alexis had been so worried and upset to see that her father wasn't home yet, and hadn't returned her missed calls all morning.

"_Dad! Where are you? I called you all morning! I was worried. I come home and Gram had no clue where you were, and neither did I. You can't just…"_

"_I thought you wouldn't be home until tonight sweetie…otherwise I would've…" Castle got cut off once again._

"_After everything last week…I just didn't think you would be back there."_

"_Where?" _

"_The precinct."_

"_I'm not at the precinct. I- I'll be home soon Alexis. On my way now." Castle confirmed. _

Beckett stood up in front of Castle.

"I want to, but…Alexis is upset. I should…" Castle went, as he looked down.

"It's okay, Castle. I understand." Beckett smiled, as she put her left hand on his chest. Even though her hand wasn't touching his skin, but instead his red shirt, he still got goose bumps from her soft touch.

"I'm sorry." Castle said, looking back at her face.

"For what?" Beckett asked, creasing her cute brow at him.

"Leaving so sudden. I don't want you to get the wrong idea." Castle had his right hand on her extended arm that was on his chest. She smiled, and got a little closer to him.

"What? That you're leaving me to spend time with your daughter. There's nothing wrong with that, or to be sorry for. It's sweet." Beckett said. She did wish that he would stay with her, she felt like that hadn't actually talked. All the time they had was spent on kissing, cuddling, and sleeping- which was fine by her. But where would they go from here? For now, she knew that he had to be home with his family. She knows the feeling of being worried.

"I had a lot fun last night detective." Castle smirked. Beckett could feel the tension between them, it had always been there, but now she could finally act on it. She put both her hands up, going through his hair softly running them, thoroughly. She bit her lip as she did this, Castle melted. She got right up against him, he could feel the front of her body pressing on his. Beckett used her left hand to play with his ear, as Castle grabbed onto her waist reacting to it. She let out a soft laugh. And then Castle went in for a kiss. They took turns, ones bottom lip in the others mouth, until they stopped from the sound of Beckett's cell phone. Beckett released her hands from his neck, and walked over to the nightstand and picked it up- Lanie. She let it go to voicemail and walked back to Castle. As she made her way over, she felt something under her right foot- Castle's belt. She picked it up and handed it to him. He smirked.

"Don't you wanna help me put it back on?" Castle raised his eyebrows.

"Next time." Beckett replied, tugging at the belt loops on his pants.

Castle used the bathroom, and tried to fix his hair. He put on his belt and his black dress shoes. He walked out of the bathroom and into the living room, Beckett handed him his damp black jacket. They walked over to the door and she opened it. Castle stood in the doorway and turned to her.

"So, call me tomorrow after you're done…if you want to that is."

"I will." Beckett replied. They both knew how hard it was going to be for her tomorrow, when she went into the twelfth. She pulled him down, and kissed his mouth softly. He smiled as she kissed him. She pulled away slowly, and he stroked a piece of her brown hair out of her face. Her skin was so soft. Castle started to back away slowly, and Beckett started to close the door. Beckett leaned against with her back, feeling relieved to finally be where she was with Castle. And Castle whistled as he walked down the stairs of her apartment building, feeling more inspired than ever.

_**Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. I tried to spice it up a little, and keep some banter, flirting, and some serious moments going throughout the chapter. Should have the next chapter up soon! Why all the calls from Esposito, Ryan, and Lanie? You'll find out in the next chapter! ~ Ash**_


	15. Ch:15 The Iron

_**Alright so I came up with chapter rather quickly and decided to post it now. So far Castle and Beckett have admitted their feelings for each other, woke up in each other's arms, fell asleep again, woke up again in each other's arms, Alexis called worried about where Castle was, he left Beckett's after a nice smooch, and now the rest begins here…**_

Beckett wiped her steamy bathroom mirror with her hand. She had a white towel wrapped around her wet body, after getting out of the shower. She had plenty of time to think about Castle and the night they had shared together. She touched her lips remembering the sensation he brought to them. She smirked. Beckett walked out of the bathroom, shaking the towel off her head and letting her long brown hair fall down onto her back and shoulders. She dressed herself in her black form-fitting turtleneck shirt, and dark denim jeans. Walking back into the bathroom she added some make-up to her face, and dried her hair. Beckett decided to leave her hair straight that day. She walked back to her bedroom, and picked up her cell phone. She clicked on Lanie's missed call and began dialing.

"About damn time." Lanie answered.

"Sorry, I was…busy and got up late this morning. What's up?" Beckett said.

Lanie and Beckett talked for another few minutes and she asked Lanie to come over for lunch again.

Beckett hung up, and dialed Ryan's number.

"Ryan."

"Hey, it's Beckett."

"Oh hey," Ryan said and then she could hear him whisper Beckett to Esposito next to him, "yeah we tried calling you earlier."

"Yeah, I was asleep. What's up?"

"Well we wanted to share that we had a lead on…you know…and then came up blank." Ryan said, implying that they had a lead on the shooting.

"Oh…Well maybe tomor…"

"You're not coming in are you?" Ryan asked.

"Maybe, why?"

"Well…isn't it a little too…"

"Gotta start sooner or later." Beckett said. She could hear Ryan fumbling the phone in his hands, and she moved it away from her ear. Then it got quiet again.

"Ryan, you okay?" she asked, with a confused look.

"Yeah, it's umm…one of us will call you late Bec…I gotta go!" Ryan whispered, hanging up. Beckett flinched at his loud click of hanging up. She creased her brow and hung up.

_**The 12**__**th**__** Precinct…**_

Ryan hung up the phone quicker than he had answered it. Esposito acted like he was typing a report on his computer, as Captain Victoria Gates walked past their two desks. Ryan smiled at her, and she gave him a suspicious look as she walked into her office.

"That was close." Ryan said with relief. He looked at Esposito, who stopped _pretend_ typing.

"Yeah, bro." Esposito agreed. He looked back at his partner.

"How are we ever suppost to work on this case, when she is always watching us like a hawk?" Ryan asked, looking into the Captains office making sure she couldn't hear.

"I don't know…all the files on it are here, we can't take them. I did try to make a few copies, but then _the iron_ came into the room."

"The _iron_?" Ryan asked, confused.

"Yeah, it's what a lot of detectives and some officers call her. Not sure why, but it suits her." Esposito added, looking into her office. She was wearing a red skirt with a matching red blazer, and a black top under it. She wore black high heels, and authority written all over her face. She was African American, and had been recently transferred over to Homicide as the new Police Captain.

Ryan's phone, on his desk, rang making them both snap out of it. He picked it up.

"Detective Ryan, homicide." Ryan answered. He nodded his head, as he listened.

"Bring him up." Ryan said, and he hung up the phone. He turned back to Esposito and gave him a look that they had someone related to the shooting. Esposito read his partners face and stood up.

"Nothing like interrogating before breakfast." Esposito replied to Ryan's look. The two of them watched as two officers brought in a thin, medium, white male, dressed in jeans, and a worn out hoodie. They followed him into the interrogation room, closing the door behind them.

"Mitch Jackson. Twenty-seven years old. Five years for…" Ryan started to read.

"Look I don't know anything." Mitch said, folding his arms. Ryan set the file down and looked at him straight in the eyes with his light blue ones. Esposito took a seat next to Ryan.

"We haven't even told you why you're here yet." Esposito said, with a smug look.

"And you're not going too." A strong female voice said. Esposito and Ryan whipped their heads around to see Captain Gates standing in the doorway. They hadn't even heard her open it. Esposito and Ryan looked at each other, they had been caught.

_**What did you guys think? Thanks for reading! ~Ash**_


	16. Ch:16 The warning and the confession

_**Thanks so much for your feedback! I don't know how Captain Victoria Gates is going to be, but I by reading the spoilers online I tried to create this next scene as best as I could imagine. **_

"A word, detectives." Gates had her arms crossed, as she walked away from the open doorway that had been closed just moments ago. Ryan and Esposito rose out of their seats and followed, closing the interrogation room door as they left. They followed Captain Gates into the observation room behind the two way glass mirror. Gates stood with authority, arms crossed, and face serious. Ryan and Esposito stood facing her.

"My first question would be what are the two of you doing, but I think it's quite obvious that the both of you cannot follow an order when given by your superior. I thought I made myself clear on this case." Gates said. Ryan and Esposito felt like kids being called into the principal's office for skipping class.

"We got a lead and we wanted to…" Ryan went.

"You wanted to go behind my back, and hope I wouldn't find out. I'm new here, but not new to the job detective. There isn't enough evidence to continue this case any further. I am sorry about Detective Beckett, it' tragic. But last time I checked you were homicide detectives and Detective Beckett is alive. This case is closed. There are plenty of other cases that need solving, starting with the paperwork stacked on both your desks. If either one of you try to do something like this again, the only paperwork you'll be filling out will be parking tickets downtown. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes ma'am." Esposito and Ryan said. Gates let her crossed arms go and she walked between the two detectives out of the room. They both sighed, frustrated. Ryan looked into the mirror. Their guy was standing up and being escorted out by an officer. Esposito folded his muscular arms and shook his head.

"Now we know why they call her the iron." Ryan said.

_**Beckett's Apartment…**_

"Hey, here help me with these." Lanie said, as she handed a brown paper bag to Kate walking into her apartment. They walked over to the kitchen and placed the bags on the counter.

"What is all this?"

"Something, the last time I checked, you didn't have." Lanie said, opening the fridge to reveal only some take-out boxes, cream, expired milk, old lunchmeat, and a few bottles of water. "Mm…that's just nasty." Lanie spoke, as she picked up the lunchmeat and tossed it into the trashcan nearby. Lanie started pulling groceries out of the brown bags.

"You didn't have to…"

"Oh yes I did. What kind of friend would I be if I let you starve or live off of expired milk and old Chinese food?" Lanie joked. Beckett smiled, and started to take food out of the last brown bag. They finished putting away the food, and Beckett began pouring out the old milk.

"Thank you Lanie." Beckett smiled. Lanie smiled back to say 'you're welcome.'

Beckett started to sort through some mail that had accumulated over the past few days, sitting on her kitchen counter. Lanie grabbed a water bottle, and sat in a stool at the counter.

"So, want to tell me about last night?" Lanie asked, Beckett almost dropped the envelope she was holding for her electric bill, and she froze. She tried to recover quickly, and she acted like nothing happened before Lanie could notice. _Oh my God how does she know?_ Beckett screamed in her head.

"Last night?" Beckett asked, trying to keep calm. Lanie sipped her water and continued.

"Yeah, the boys told me you went to Castle's book signing. How'd it go?" Lanie asked, not aware of Beckett's sudden heart rate spike. Beckett felt a sudden relief.

"Oh…um...last night, yeah it went good." Beckett stuttered. Lanie gave her a weird look, but then shivered a little.

"Brrr! Girl it's freezing in here. And that's coming from a girl who works with dead bodies all day in a morgue." Lanie said, rubbing her arms. Beckett smiled.

"There's a sweater hanging off my bedroom closet door, I'll grab it." Beckett said, placing her mail on the counter.

"No, I'll get it. Have to use the bathroom anyways." Lanie replied, getting up from her seat.

Lanie walked out of the room and down the hall. Beckett took some junk mail out of the pile she was sorting through and walked it over to the trashcan. She opened the fridge and grabbed a bright red apple that Lanie had bought. She washed it with some water, dried it, and took a bite. The juice flowed into her mouth. She began chewing and smiled, the apple reminded her of Castle and his _safeword_. She began thinking about Castle and his passionate kisses, as she touched her lips with the apple, biting it again.

"Found the sweater…and also this." Lanie said, walking up to the kitchen counter and stopping. Beckett was facing the stairs in her kitchen, still tasting the sweet apple in her mouth. She creased her brow, confused, and turned to Lanie. Her heart dropped.

"I find it hard to believe you wear a men's large." Lanie grinned, holding Castle's dark gray button up shirt in her left hand. It was wrinkled, because of the dampness and also from being on the floor of her bedroom all night. _Damn it! He forgot his shirt._ Beckett thought. Beckett remembered the night before when they kissed their way through her apartment, down the hall, running their hands all over each other's clothed bodies, to end up in Beckett's bedroom. She remembered Castle tossing his shirt on her bed, it must've fallen off onto the floor and he forgot to change back into it, since he left in his red shirt.

Beckett snapped out of it, and looked at the shirt and back at Lanie's smiling face.

"Looks like last night went _real_ good." Lanie smirked. There was no way Beckett could hide it now. She was hoping to clear things up with Castle first about what they were now, and she wasn't exactly ready to be out in the open just yet.

"I can explain that."

"I'm all ears."

"Castle and I…we um…talked."

"I know he's a bestselling novelist, but I didn't think his words could get clothes off." Lanie laughed, Beckett laughed too. It was time to come clean.

"Alright, fine. We kissed," Beckett admitted, Lanie tilted her head waiting for more, "kissed… a lot."

Beckett smiled, and Lanie looked relieved.

"Finally! Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting for this?" Lanie sighed.

"We?" Beckett smiled.

"Me, Esposito, Ryan, and anyone else who sees the two of you together. We stopped placing bets on you two months ago, looks like I should start again."

"Well nothing _happened_. So save your money. And could we keep this on the down low, I'm not exactly sure what Castle and I are just yet. We didn't exactly talk about it, and I don't think I'm ready."

"I'll keep it a secret, only because I know it's actually happening."

"Thank you." Beckett said, Lanie threw the shirt at Beckett. She caught it, smiling.

"You gonna give me details, or do I have to wait for the next book?" Lanie joked, sitting down back in her stool.

_**Thank you for reading everyone! Sorry it's been a few days. I hope you liked how Lanie found out about Beckett and Castle. I'll try to get more posted tomorrow! ~Ashley**_


	17. Ch:17 Torn

Castle walked into his apartment, not knowing what t expect when he entered. He placed his keys on the end table, and shut the door. He put his damp jacket onto the dining room chair as he walked, still looking around for Alexis, or his mother.

"Hello? Anybody home?" Castle yelled. Nothing. He opened the fridge to grab some milk, and then got out some Frosted Flakes cereal. He poured the flakey cereal into a white bowl, then the milk. He put everything away and began eating his breakfast. He stood at the kitchen island, wondering where his daughter was. She had been so upset about him not being home that morning and yet where was she. He finished his cereal, and put the dish into the sink. Castle made his way to his bedroom doors across the apartment. He walked into his room, yawning, and he kicked off his shoes. He sat on the bed to take off his socks, then unbuttoned his dress pants as he stood up. He pulled his red shirt up over his head, he could smell the scent of Kate as he did this. His insides melted like they had when she kissed him goodbye. He smiled as he tossed it onto the bed. As he did that he remembered the dark gray shirt he had forgotten at her apartment, he shrugged and figured he'd get it back later. He walked into the bathroom and took a hot shower.

_**Twenty minutes later….**_

"Dad I can't believe you are even thinking about going back!" Alexis yelled. They were standing in the living room. Alexis had been home, but had her headphones in her ears when Castle had called up the stairs earlier. Once Castle had come out into the living room, Alexis was sitting on the couch waiting for him. He told her that he had stayed the night with Beckett, without going into any details of course, and then started talking about going back to work once Beckett was ready for him to.

"Alexis I..."

"What if it's you next? Have you ever thought about that dad?" Alexis asked, getting more heated. Castle looked at her sadly. He was so torn now. She made a point. He looked at his daughter, she was so grown up now.

"Alexis…"

"No, dad, first Beckett gets shot, what about you? I can't believe that you would just go running back to work, and it's not your job. It's not safe, it never was. I'm thinking about you, dad, and what if I lost you? What if one day you don't make it home, and it's you in the hospital."

"I want to help. I need to help. And Beck…" Castle went.

"Please don't even use her as an excuse. Why can't you be a part of her life without being in her work life? You're a writer, you're suppose to stay in your office with your laptop, not parading around the city with a bulletproof vest. You're a writer…so start acting like one." Alexis stormed out of the office. Castle looked down with a sad look on his face, and his heart breaking. He was so confused. He didn't know what to do.

_**Beckett's Apartment later that night…**_

"I need you to leave. They're coming to kill you and I'm not gonna let em, I'm gonna end this." Montgomery spoke. They both looked out at the parked black truck out in the distance.

"I'm not going anywhere, sir." Beckett said, stepping forward. It was dark, and they stood there facing each other.

"Yes you are. Castle, get her outta here." Montgomery ordered. Beckett whipped her head around surprised to see Castle stepping out from behind the helicopter. Castle looked worried.

"Captain I don…" Castle went.

"Don't argue. That's why I called you, get her outta here now!" Montgomery yelled at him. Castle grabbed Kate's right shoulder to pull her back.

"Captain please, just listen to me you don't have to do this." Beckett pleaded, on the verge of tears.

"Kate." Castle said softly.

"No, please." Kate begged as she shook Castle's hand off her right shoulder, "Sir, I forgive you. I _forgive_ you."

"This is my spot Kate." He closed his eyes, "This is where I stand." Montgomery said softly to her. She began to cry.

"No!" Kate cried, shaking her head at him. Castle watched.

"Castle." Montgomery said. Castle stepped forward towards Beckett, as he looked out in the distance at the black car approaching slowly.

"No! No, sir, please listen to me. You don't have to do this." Beckett begged. Montgomery shook his head.

"Castle, get her outta here now!" Montgomery yelled even louder now. The mysterious black car was speeding now towards the hangar they were arguing in. The roaring of the engine was getting louder as the truck made its way across the lot.

Castle grabbed Beckett from behind, holding her back from staying. Both his arms were wrapped around her slim body, and her fighting arms.

"You don't have to sir." She cried.

"Kate!" Castled said through his teeth, picking her body up off the ground, forcing her to go with him. She kicked her heels up into the air like a helpless child. Crying, and unable to even stand.

"NO!" She begged, "God, Castle, lemme go!" Castle turned with her and still holding her tightly, as they disappeared around the helicopter towards the door.

"Let go!" as she kicked, "NO! Please!" Beckett screamed, and pleaded with Castle as he quickened his pace for the exit to safety.

Kate's eyes opened. She could see her white ceiling above her, as she lay in bed. The images from that night Montgomery was shot were as clear as day. She turned her head to her alarm clock- 2:24 a.m. She let out a breath and felt her neck, a trickle of sweat dripped off. She sat up and ran her hands through her long hair. A few tears fell from her face onto her comforter. She wished she could change it. She wished she could have saved him that night. She somehow found the strength to get out of bed, and walked to the bathroom to get a drink of water from the sink. She cupped her hands under the running faucet, feeling the cold water hit her shaking hands. She took a few gulps, and then turned it off. She dried her hands and walked back to her bed. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She reached for her phone, and saw it blinking. It had been on silent all night. Castle hadn't called her, and she figured he must be spending time with Alexis. She set the phone back down and laid back into bed, pulling the covers over her body. She stared up at the empty ceiling, hoping she would drift off into a deep sleep.

She laid there tossing and turning every few seconds, not being able to find her way into a comfortable position. And how could you? After dream, a nightmare like that- and it was real. Beckett got out of bed and walked out of her room to the living room. She was going to turn on the television, but didn't want to wake her brain up more. She creased her brow and made her towards the windows, she bit felt a huge gap in her heart. She didn't know what to do to fill it again. She looked up at her bookshelf, and saw the answer. She reached up and grabbed the book. She walked back into her bedroom, climber back under the sheets, and turned on her bedside lamp. She opened Heat Rises to the dedication page, it was to her, the twelfth, and also Roy Montgomery. She ran her fingers across his bold printed name on the white page. She turned to the next page to chapter one, and began reading- hoping to get lost in the words of the man she loved.


	18. Ch:18 Case of the Monday's

_**Thank you all for the wonderful feedback! I love it! I had some trouble with this next chapter, but some how managed to get it done. Hope you like the next chapter! ~A**_

The sounds of Kate Beckett's heels clicked on the city pavement, as she made her way inside the twelfth precinct. She wore her hair up, with a few loose strands of her hitting her soft cheeks. A loose gray turtle neck, and dark dress pants. She fumbled her mother's ring around in her hand, it was on a silver chain. She had barely gotten any sleep the night before, and it showed in her face. She couldn't get over the nightmare she had. It made her think about what could she have done differently? What if Castle was right and she should just walk away? What if she just let go of her mother's case altogether and moved on? It was her job to solve murders. To find the truth. But maybe it was time for her to let go. These thoughts ran through her mind all night. She had gotten to chapter six of _Heat Rises_ before finally nodding off to sleep. When she woke up that morning, the book was lying down on her chest.

She almost wasn't sure if she should go back into work. But she needed a distraction.

_Ding!_ The elevators went, as she stepped inside. Two officers walked out of the elevator and nodded to her. She smiled slightly. The doors began to close slowly, and then they were halted by a hand, which made her jump. Another detective walked in, smiling at her. She nodded. The doors shut once more, but this time all the way. She looked down at the floor as the elevator went up. She looked at the man beside her, who was playing with his cell phone. She noticed an old newspaper in his right hand. She could make out her face on the front page and also Captain Montgomery. Her eyes widened, she didn't want to react in front of the detective. She tried reading the headline:

**DETECTIVE GETS SHOT AT NYPD CAPTAIN'S FUNERAL**

The words hit her harder than the bullet. She could feel her eyes get emotional. The elevator doors opened, and the detective walked out. The doors closed again, leaving Beckett alone in the small room. She let out a heavy breath, and tried to keep it together before reaching her floor.

_Ding!_ The doors opened and she stepped out. She stood there for a moment. She took a long hard look at the room before her. It was quiet, as it always was on early Monday mornings. There were a few detectives in the break room making coffee with Castle's cappuchino machine. Another detective sitting at his desk, doing paperwork. She finally took a deep breath and proceeded towards her desk. Her black work bag was rubbing against her as she slowly walked. She turned left and followed the path towards the stairs, and then turned right to head over to her desk. She placed her bag down on the desk. Some dust had accumulated over the past week. She looked down at one of the elephants that Castle always liked playing with. She picked it up and stared at it, feeling it's weight in her hands. She set it down, and looked over at Castle's empty brown seat. She wondered what he was doing at this very moment. Writing? Wondering why she hasn't called him? Wondering if he should call her?

"Hey Beckett." Ryan greeted, softly, interrupting her daydream. She stood up straight and focused her eyes on the two detectives walking over to her.

"Hey guys." Beckett smiled. Ryan was wearing his usual vest, with a pink button up shirt under it, and some dress pants. Esposito was wearing a black polo shirt that complimented his muscular arms, and khaki pants. They stood in front of her, smiling. They didn't think it was good for her to be back so soon, but they kept that to themselves knowing she would do what she wanted anyways.

"How are you feeling?" Esposito asked, already knowing the answer.

"Alright for being shot, I guess. I could definitely use a coffee."

"Where's your personal barista at, anyways?" Ryan asked, trying to lighten the situation.

"He's um…home, I think. I wanted to come in alone today." Beckett explained. _Good _she thought, Lanie didn't tell them about her and Castle.

"Detective Beckett?" A woman's voice said.

"Yes?" Beckett asked, confused as a woman approached her desk.

"I'm Victoria Gates, you're new captain." She said, extending her hand out to shake Beckett's .

"Oh," Beckett looked at the guys and back at her, "nice to meet you." As she shook her hand.

"Could I get a word, in private?" Gates asked, looking over at her office, which used to be Montgomery's. Beckett nodded her head and followed the woman dressed in a red blazer and skirt.

Beckett hesitated for a moment before stepping into the office. She looked back at Ryan and Esposito, who were watching her. She gave them a look that they understood. She turned forward and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. She almost couldn't recognize the room. There were boxes stacked, and also new pictures of Gates and her own family in the room. It seemed unfamiliar to her. She remembered the last time she stood, right where she was standing. She was yelling about Castle to Montgomery.

"_Roy, I am over it. I mean it. I want him gone." Beckett demanded, as she paced back and forth._

"_Okay he's gone." Montgomery said, like nothing. Beckett was confused._

"_What?" Beckett asked, in disbelief. She expected it to be harder._

"_You want Castle gone," Montgomery said waving his hand, "he's gone."_

"_I…wh-what about the mayor?" Beckett asked, placing her right hand on her brown hair still confused. _

"_This is my house, Kate, the mayor doesn't call the shots here. I do. You outta know that by now." He said, handing her his flask. She accepted it. _

"_But, I-I…" _

"_I could've kicked Castle to the curb years ago, any time I wanted to. The only reason why I kept him around this long is because I saw how good he was for you." Montgomery admitted. She rolled her eyes and shook her head as she drank the flask. _

"_Kate, you're the best I've ever trained. The best I've ever seen. But you weren't having before he came along." Montgomery spoke, Beckett looked down and then back up at him and nodded. He took the flask out of her grasp, and stepped forward._

"_We speak for the dead. That's the job. We are all they got once the wicked rob them of their voices. We owe them that…but we don't owe them our lives." He said, Beckett creased her brow staring down at the floor. She looked up at him and stared into his eyes. _

"_He said we can't win this." She spoke, softly almost in a whisper. _

"_He's right. I spend most of my life walking behind this badge and I can tell you this for a fact, there are no victories- there is only the battle. And the best that you could hope for is that you can find a place where you can make your stand. If this is your spot, I will stand with you." Montgomery finished. Beckett nodded, smiling slightly, holding back her tears._

"So, I see you're doing much better." Gates voice cut into her daydream. Beckett looked up at her and nodded.

"I am very sorry about Captain Montgomery, he was an excellent cop from what I hear."

"He was."

"Now, why are you here today?"

"I-I came back to work."

"Hm. Well I'm sorry to be the one to disappoint you, but that won't be happening any time soon. As you may know, most cops have to see a psychiatrist before coming back to work."

"I know."

"Well after a trauma like the one you've recently been through, you need to go. You aren't allowed to work until you're cleared for duty, detective."

"Can't I see a doctor and work? I'm fine. I just need to be doing something."

"Solving homicides isn't something you use to block out your other issues, detective. You are not fit to be here, let alone at a crime scene. It's an order from me and the bureau for you to talk to a psych until he or she says otherwise."

" Yes ma'am."

"You can call me captain." Gates smiled. Beckett had almost forgotten who the woman was. It almost pained her to even think of calling her that, she was so used to Montgomery.

"I need your badge and gun." Gates ordered, extending her arm out. Beckett stood for a moment, shocked. She hesitated before reaching for her badge off her belt, and then un-holstering her gun. She took a step forward, and handing them over. Right away she felt empty, and lost. Almost like she was naked without it. Gates took both items, and set them down on her desk. Beckett stood there creasing her brow. _Where does she go from here? _She thought.

_**Break room…**_

Beckett stood in front of the cappuccino machine. She was trying to get it to work, but she was too frustrated. She suddenly felt two pairs of eyes on her left, and stopped fussing with the machine, and looked down.

"How did it go?" Ryan asked, as the both of them stood in the doorway watching her. She sighed.

"Her way." Beckett said, facing them now. Esposito crossed his arms.

"She is tough, we found out the hard way." Esposito spoke. Ryan nodded in agreement. Beckett looked at the two of them. Both great cops, great guys, great partners, great friends.

"I have to see a psychiatrist, which was to be expected, but I can't work. She ordered me…not until I'm cleared." She vented. They looked at her with concern. She waited a moment, and looked out at her desk.

"I should probably get my things." She said. They allowed her to pass them, she walked over to her desk and put her black blazer on again. She picked up her bag, and turned to the guys. They tried to give her a sympathetic smile, but it was hard for them to watch her leave.

"I'll see you." Beckett said, holding back her emotions. She tried to remain strong. They had already seen her at her weakest, but she thought she should leave with strength, even if they didn't believe it. She went to turn, but a hand stopped her. She looked to see Esposito holding her shoulder. He hugged her, like a brother would, and then released. Ryan stepped up and did the same. It took everything for her not to cry. She smiled, and then continued towards the elevator doors. She hit the down arrow. It seemed like it was taking forever. Why is that when things are the most awkward, every day things seem to take longer?

_Ding!_ The doors opened. She stepped in and turned. She sighed, and stared down the hall. She hit the lobby button. She would go down the way she came up, alone. The doors closed.


	19. Ch:19 Red or White?

_**Okay so far Beckett went back into work, reunited with the boys, reunion was cut short by a certain new Captain, then Beckett was sent home. Some of asked for some more Caskett, here it is! Thanks everyone for your wonderful feedback! **_

Castle stared at his cell phone. Nothing. Not one call, not one text, not even a tweet. He picked it up and clicked the unlock button and the cover of Heat Rises appeared. _Why hadn't she called? Should he call her?_ He thought, feeling like a teenager after a first date. He placed his phone back down on his desk. He ran his hands through his brown hair and sighed. He spun his chair around once in a full circle. He looked out into the living room. He thought about Alexis and how upset she was over this. She wanted him to walk away, just like he wanted Beckett to walk away from her mother's unsolved case. Is this how Kate felt? Like she was stuck in the middle of letting go or continuing no matter what? A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts. He creased his brow and looked at the time- 7:30 pm. He wasn't expecting any one, maybe it was Beckett! He rose up out of his chair and walked out of the study.

He got to the door, and reached for the handle. As he opened it he prayed for Beckett to be on the other side. His prayer was answered.

"Hey." Castle greeted, smiling immediately. She looked very tired, and upset- but still beautiful.

"Hey." She said softly, and smiled. She was wearing her black leather jacket over her turtlneck, and dark jeans.

"Come in, come in." Castle said, as he extended his arm out for her to enter the apartment.

"Thanks."Beckett smiled, as she passed him. He could smell her light perfume as she entered, it warmed his heart.

"Here, let me…" castle offered, as he helped her out of her jacket. She was in her gray turtleneck still, she almost looked thinner than he remembered. Probably from the stress, and also being in the hospital. He pretended not to notice and followed her into the living room, placing her jacket neatly on the armchair.

"Do you want a drink or…" Castle went to say, but Beckett turned to him and ran into his arms. He embraced her as if he had been doing it for years. She fit perfectly in his arms. He kissed her forehead and she cried. He could feel his shirt getting damp, from her tears. He had no idea what was wrong, but holding her was all he wanted to do. She kept her face buried into his firm chest. She let out a few puffs of air between her sobs. He rubbed her back with his right hand. She gripped him tightly, never wanting to let go. After some time, she stepped back and looked him in the eyes.

"I don't know what to do Castle." Beckett cried. He put his hands on her face, holding her head up for her to look at him. His blue eyes were so comforting and easy to get lost in, as were hers. He looked so concerned for her, and just wanted to comfort her.

"What's wrong? Did something happen at work today?" Castle asked. She nodded, and still had her arms wrapped around his torso.

"Gates said I can't come back until I've talked to someone, a psychiatrist." She answered.

"Gates?" Castle asked, confused. Beckett forgot he didn't know about their new captain.

"Um…our new…" Beckett went, but she still couldn't say captain. Castle right away knew what she meant and he pulled her back into his arms. He cradled her, and he comforted her by rubbing her back. He would hold her as long as she wanted, as long as she felt safe and loved. He wished he could take away the pain and confusion she was going through, but he couldn't. Castle kissed her forehead again, and walked her over to the couch to sit on. She sat down, comfortably, and smiled at him.

"I'll get you some tea." Castle offered, as he started to walk away.

"Could we skip that and make it wine?" Beckett asked. Castle let out a small chuckle.

"You sound like my mother, red or white?" Castle joked. She laughed for the first time that day.

"Surprise me." She said, watching him walk into the kitchen to the wine cabinet.

She could hear the pop of the cork, and the clanking of two wine glasses as Castle made his way back over to her in the living room. She looked around the large open room. Castle had a very nice apartment, she remembered the first time she had ever walked in here and said it reminded her of the bat cave.

"Here you are." Castle smiled, handing her a glass of red wine. She smiled, as she accepted it. He sat down next to her, their legs touching. Beckett crossed her legs, and she let her body lean against his.

"Thank you." She replied. She sipped her wine, letting it relax her. Castle sipped his wine, and put his right hand on her left knee. She loved the feel of his warm hand. She set her wine glass down on the coffee table and she turned to him, as she got on her knees. He stared at her beautiful face. He loved how real she was, and how naturally beautiful she was even at a time like this. Beckett leaned in, and went in for a kiss. Her soft lips touched his and in an instant they found their place. She kissed his top lip, so he could feel her bottom lip in his. They could taste the red wine on each other's lips and tongues. She had her left hand running through his hair, and her other on his chest. She could feel his heart beating faster, as they got deeper into the kiss. He let out a soft moan, as she bit gently on his bottom lip. He stopped her for a moment, and she looked surprised.

"Too much for you Castle?" She laughed. He smirked, and he set his wine glass down on the table. She was on her knees on the couch, and he was sitting still. He quickly wrapped his right arm around her and tossed her, softly, down onto the couch so she was on her back. She let out a gasp of air.

"I'll say apples when it is." He smiled. She grinned in a sexy way, and pulled his head down into another kiss. The two of them, together, made each other's problems disappear.


	20. Ch:20 Time to Heal

_**Another chapter just because I am in a Caskett mood, and the premiere is one day away! I am so excited for it and I know you guys must be too! This next chapter was a tough one to write, and you'll see why. Thank you so much for the feedback! ~A and my twitter is /#!/Ashley_Kas if you ever want to tweet about Castle!**_

It was a cold spring night. You could hear the wind blowing against the windows in Richard Castle's apartment. The dim lighting in the room made it so easy to feel relaxed and at ease. With all the bad that had happened to Kate Beckett, Richard Castle was the only good thing she had found out of all this. He had helped her through some tough cases, including her mother's, throughout the past three years. He had been there for the day she shot her mother's killer. He was there the everyday for her. He was there, always.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." Beckett said, softly as she stroked his left arm that was draped over her stomach. He was lying on his side with her backside against the front of his warm body. He was breathing in the sweet smell of her hair, and he tucked some hair away from her neck to kiss it softly. She could the hairs on her neck and arms stand up as he did so. She smiled.

"Me too." He whispered. She turned around to face him. Her body pressing up against his, he smiled at her. She ran her fingers down his chest and could feel the dampness of his shirt from her tears.

"You forgot your shirt at my place yesterday." She smiled, staring at his chest.

"You seem to keep ending up with my shirts and yet I have nothing of yours." He joked. She gave him a sexy grin, and wrapped her right leg around his. Castle tried to control himself when she did this. This woman knew exactly how to get him right where she wanted him.

"Do you think I should talk to someone?" Beckett asked, getting serious. Castle thought for a moment.

"Yes. You need to, Kate. You've been through so much this year."

"I know. It's just that the last time I spoke with a psychiatrist was years ago when I was right where I am right now," she looked up at him, "lost in my mother's case." Castle felt a sudden sadness to hear her say those words. He remembered yelling at her for getting buried in her mother's case:

"_I'm your partner. I'm your friend." Castle spoke._

"_Is that what we are?" Beckett asked, irritated._

"_Alright, I don't know what we are. We kiss and then never talk about it. We nearly die, frozen, in each other's arms and then we never talk about it. So I have got no clue what we are. I know I don't wanna see you throw your life away."_

"_Yeah, well, last time I checked it was my life not your personal jungle gym. And for the past three years, I have been running around with the schools funniest kid, and it's not enough!" Beckett yelled, walking away towards the front door of her apartment._

"_You know what? This isn't about your mother's case anymore. This is about you needing a place to hide. Because you've been chasing this thing around so long, you're afraid to find out who you are without it." Castle admitted. _

Castle hadn't forgotten about that night. He gently moved a piece of her brown hair off her cheek. She closed her eyes as he did this.

"But this time it's different. This time you have me by your side. You don't have to do this alone." Castle looked at her green eyes, as they began to get teary again. She didn't know what to say or how to say it.

"Rick I- I think I might have to." Beckett said, sitting up now. He was confused, and he sat up too.

"Have to what?" he asked.

"Do this alone." Beckett replied, afraid to see his face.

"What? Kate…"

"You've been there for me. You've seen me at my best and at my worst. You are always the one person I can count on. And I think I need to get through this on my own, in my own way. And I just need some time to figure this out, and get help." Beckett said, looking at the shock in his face. She knew he wasn't going to like this, she didn't either. But she knew this is what she needed to do.

"You don't have to do this alone. I'm here. You need to stop trying to be strong on your own, Kate, look what happened to you because of it. I want to keep you safe, and be…"

"Castle…"

"I love you Kate." Castle confessed, again. Her heart felt so light and warm when he said it. Out of all the words he's ever written or said, and there was a lot, those three stuck out and meant the most to her.

"I know you do. And that's why I need to do this alone. For me to be able to move on and be with you is gonna take all of me. I can't just give you half of me, when a part of me is somewhere else Rick. If you love me, and I know you do, you'll let me do this. I know it's hard, it's hard for me too. But it'll just be a few weeks."

"Can I see you?" Castle finally asked. She sighed, and shook her head no. It pained her to do this, but she knew what she needed to do to move on. Castle took her hand and kissed it.

"Alright, but I still want you to call me. If this is what you want…what you need then okay. I'll stand with you on this, even if I'm not technically standing with you." He smiled. She smiled, and kissed him.

"Thank you, Castle." She smiled, and kissed his cheek. She could feel the rough five o'clock shadow brush her lips. She liked it.

"Always." Castle smiled, holding back a tear. He held her hand, not wanting to let go. He knew she needed to have time for herself. He knew she needed to figure her life out. He loved her and in a way it made it easier, because he knew for sure that they were going to be together once she moved past this. And maybe this would be better for him and Alexis. He wouldn't have to go back to the precinct for a while and maybe she would cool down, and feel better about it after some time.

Beckett gently pushed Castle back down onto the couch, so he was on his back. She laid her body on top of his and began kissing him. Castle could feel a wet tear drop fall from her face as she did this. He knew she loved him, otherwise she wouldn't be doing this- taking time a part. He stopped her from kissing him and he turned them onto their sides, his right arm around her neck. Her back was against his couch cushions, and he wiped away the tear off her cheek. She smiled at him feeling so lucky to have him, and so lucky to know he was willing to let her go for a short time to be able to have her forever. He held her lean body, tightly, against his. She loved the safe feeling he gave her. He would be there for her and she would be there for him-

Always.

_**Okay, so some people might not like how I ended this chapter lol But I wanted it to seem real and also be able to jump ahead in the next chapter. Beckett has always been the type to do things on her own and I felt like this really was something she needed to do. Just stick with me here, and it will all be worth it…I promise! Thank you for reading! I will try to post tomorrow. I am trying to get a lot of this story done before Monday too! ~A**_


	21. Ch:21 Is it September yet?

_**Today is the premiere and I am super excited! Well here is the next, long, chapter. Thank you guys for all your wonderful responses to my story, I really do love it! I try to respond to you guys when I can. Hope you enjoy it! ~A **_

The darkness of the night sky began to fade as the Monday morning sunlight peeked its way throughout the buildings and trees of Manhattan. The crisp fall air was cool, but comfortable. There's something about the fall that's comforting. It could be the change of seasons and the shades of green trees turning bright reds, yellows, and oranges. It could be the warmth from the sun and the nice breeze of fall that hits you as you walk down Broadway to catch a bus or a taxi. It also might be because you've been waiting for something or someone during a long summer _heat_.

Detective Kate Beckett stared at her alarm clock, anticipating the sound to go off any minute. Once it did, she hit the off button and got out of her bed. She slipped on her black slippers and made her way to the bathroom across the hall. The wooden floor boards creaked as she walked. Once in the bathroom, she hopped in the shower. She let the hot water wash down her hair and backside as she began to fully wake up. After her shower she got dressed, leaving her towel on her head. She threw on a black turtleneck and a pair of gray dress pants with black heels. Beckett walked over to her jewelry box to put her mother's ring around her neck, and then cuffed on her father's watch. She added some light make-up to her light skinned face, and started to dry her long brown hair. She walked back into her bedroom to grab her cell phone, and work bag. She grabbed her black leather jacket, and walked into the kitchen for an apple, then made her way out the front door.

Walking down her street, she noticed a few orange leaves on the sidewalk. She loved the fall. Memories of her and her mother jumping in piles of bright colored leaves in central park flashed in her mind. Her heels made light clicking sounds on the New York City pavement, as she made her way to the twelfth precinct.

She had waited for this day for three months.

_**Castle's Apartment….**_

Not a day had gone by that Richard Castle didn't think about Kate Beckett. He wondered where she was almost every minute of every day. It wasn't because he craved to solve a murder, although he did enjoy that, it was because he loved her. He loved her charm, her brains, her beauty, her heart, and of course her hotness. But what he loved most about her was the fact that she was extraordinary. She was the toughest nut to crack when he first met her. She had once referred to herself as the "Beckett Onion." But he was able to peel each layer through the three years of their partnership. And now he was exactly where he wanted to be- in love with her and she was in love with him. But it had been three months. Three long months of phone calls or text messages of her assuring him she was alright. He gave her the space she had asked for. He had to if he wanted to be with her. It took almost every bone in his body not to hail a cab in the middle of the night and go to her apartment just to see her.

Castle was standing in his kitchen, pouring coffee into his mug. He was reading the newspaper as Alexis walked into the room.

"Good morning." He greeted.

"Morning dad, anything good?" Alexis said, referring to the paper.

"Not really, unless you care about who wore the best dress last night at the Emmys." Castle smiled, flashing the entertainment section to Alexis. She smiled, as she pour some cereal into a bowl.

"So." Alexis said.

"So." Castle repeated, placing the newspaper down on the counter. She looked him in the eyes. He could tell what she was implying. Alexis loved having her dad around more and knowing that he was safe. But it hurt her to see her dad going crazy all summer without Beckett. There was a few times where she wanted to pick up the phone herself. But they had a talk after their small argument over Castle working again with Beckett, and the break all summer gave them time to heal also.

"She'll call." Alexis comforted. She took a bite of her cereal. Castle hoped Alexis was right. It had been the longest three months of his life. He was sick of wondering. He needed to talk to Beckett. But he knew this was the week she would be starting work again. He ran his hands through his brown hair, stressed.

"Oh darling if you keep pulling your hair like that you'll start receding." Martha said as she entered the kitchen, dressed in her usual fabulous attire.

"Morning to you too mother." Castle smiled.

"Still no word?" Martha asked. Castle shook his head no.

"I'm gonna be late, bye guys." Alexis said, taking a last bite of her cereal. She grabbed her book bag and ran out the door.

"Have a good day!" Castle yelled, as she ran out. He sighed. Martha sat down at the counter.

"Oh Richard, when she's ready she'll call."

"I just…what if she doesn't…"

"She will."

"No, I mean…what if she doesn't feel the same way anymore." Castle paused, "It's been three months. That's three months of reflecting and sorting through the mess she was in. She could feel completely different now. I mean, she's been talking to a psychiatrist every week to get through it and I wasn't a part of her healing."

"Have you forgotten about the other three years you've been with her? She knows how you feel, everyone that knows the both of you knows how you _both_ feel about each other." Martha touched his arm, "Richard, that woman cared about you enough to let you go so that she could find her way back to you. And she will." Martha tapped on Castle's cell phone that was sitting on the counter. Castle smiled at his mother.

Martha left to go to an audition for a new play. Castle finished some of the breakfast dishes, and he walked into his study. He sipped his warm coffee, then set it down on his desk. Castle stood in the middle of the room and looked out into the living room. The long couch that had once comforted the bodies of him and Beckett was empty. He remembered that night like a chapter from one of his books. The smell of her hair, and sweet perfume of cherries. The taste and softness of her perfect lips. The way her long brown hair fell perfectly against her cheek for him to brush it away. He missed her more than anything. He looked at his watch- 7:15am. She was probably on her way to the precinct right now.

Castle looked outside onto the street below. People were walking at a fast New York City pace to get to work. He could see the colors of the trees- orange and red. It made him think of fire- heat. Heat Rises had become another best seller over the summer. His small book tour did keep him busy at first, but at the end of the day he only wanted one thing- Kate. He wondered if she wanted him to be there with her on her first day back. He figured it would take time to get adjusted and back into the groove of things at work. He wanted to be there for her, but how?

_**The precinct...**_

The familiar smell of the precinct filled Kate's nostrils as she got off the elevator. She looked around, everything looked the same. The floors were wooden, and the walls were brick. The light of the morning brightened the room through the large windows in each office. Beckett walked to her desk and set down her bag. She sighed. She couldn't believe she was back. The last time she stood in here she wasn't herself. She was lost, hurt, and wounded physically and mentally. She began taking off her jacket when Esposito and Ryan walked out of the coffee room.

"Well, look who it is." Esposito smiled.

"Hey." Beckett said, smiling back at her partners. Esposito was wearing a a light gray button-up shirt with a black striped tie, and black pants. Ryan was wearing a blue button-up shirt and a gray vest over a white tie and gray pants.

"Nice to have you back." Ryan said, leaning on her desk.

"Nice to see that you guys haven't lost your appetites." Beckett joked, nodding at the piles of danishes and small mini donut holes on their paper plates.

" Detectives." Gates greeted, as she walked up to Beckett's desk interrupting their reunion. Ryan gulped down his donut, hoping it wasn't noticeable to her.

"Morning." The three of them said like kids that had just been caught cheating on a test. There was something very intimidating about this woman. But Beckett decided to just let her be the boss, for now.

"Where are your desks?" Gates asked. Ryan and Esposito creased their cute brows.

"Um…over there." Ryan replied, confused at her question.

"Oh, that's right. Sorry I couldn't see them because of the piles of paperwork lying on them." Gates smirked. They got the hint now. Beckett was definitely not used to this.

"We'll talk to you later Beckett." Ryan said, as he and Esposito rushed off to their desks.

"Come with me." Gates ordered Beckett, as she began to walk towards her office. Beckett followed her with her green eyes, and looked at the guys. They shrugged at her.

Three months ago it was hard for Beckett to stand in the office of Roy Montgomery, but now she had accepted it. The psychiatrist she had been seeing all summer helped her get past the what if's and why's. She walked into the office and stood in front Gates' desk.

"So, feeling better?" Gates asked.

"Much better."Beckett replied, looking Gates in the eyes.

"Good to hear." Gates smiled, "Now, I assume you want to get back to work. That's why you're here, right?"

"Yes." Beckett said. Gates was looking at a file in front of her.

"Well you seem to have the approval of the board and your doctor cleared you to be back on duty. So I guess all there is to say is welcome back to the twelfth detective." Gates said, extending her hand to shake Beckett's.

"I'm glad to be back." Beckett smiled, shaking her hand. They released, and Beckett turned to walk out until Gates stopped her.

"Before you leave you might need these." Gates said, as Beckett turned to see her holding Beckett's badge and gun. Beckett took a step forward and accepted the two items from her. She immediately felt whole again.

"Thank you," Beckett paused, "Captain."

She walked out of the office, and walked to her desk. She set her gun down as she sat in her chair. She ran her fingers over the golden"0334"on her badge. She had almost forgotten the feel of a badge, it had been so long. She clipped it on her belt, on her right side. Then her eyes wandered over to the vacant brown chair. _Castle,_ she thought. What was he doing right now? Was he thinking about her? He was probably writing, or playing with a new toy he bought. Or maybe he was burning a hole through the floor of his office, pacing, and wondering when she would call him.

She starred at the brown chair. She missed him. She looked up over to Esposito and Ryan, they were doing paperwork. She smiled, she had missed them too. Everything seemed normal. She yawned, quietly. Coffee is something she needed.

"Um, excuse me?" A voice said. Beckett almost jumped.

"Hi, can I help you?" She asked, standing up.

"Are you detective Beckett?"The young guy asked. He was wearing a black hoodie, and jeans. He looked like a college freshman.

"Yes." She replied, creasing her brow.

"A gentleman downstairs told me to bring this up to you, and this." He said, holding up a coffee and a brown paper bag. She looked at it curiously.

"Thanks, a…" Beckett said, as she reached into her pocket to give the kid a tip.

"Oh no, he took care of it." He smiled, handing her the two items. He walked away towards the elevator. Beckett sat back down, and sniffed her latte'. The sweet smell of caramel wafted into the air as she removed the lid. She opened the bag and reached in to find a bear-claw and a note. She held the bear-claw in her hand and the note in the other. It said:

_**Thought you could use this.**_

_**Miss you,**_

_**C**_

Beckett smiled. Her heart and stomach felt butterflies at his last two words. He had somehow managed to be there with her, even though he wasn't actually there. Beckett took a bite of her bear-claw and sipped her latte' carefully. She set down them both down on the desk, and reached into her pocket for her cell phone. She stared at the screen for a moment before selecting contacts and scrolling down to Castle. She clicked his icon and let her finger hover above "call."

Was she ready? Had she completely healed herself over the three month hiatus of not seeing him all summer? Her heart had been missing him since the day she kissed him goodbye in his apartment. He held her all night in his arms, supporting her decision to give them space until she was ready. She looked back over to the note and made her decision.

_**A few blocks away…**_

Castle was in the back of a cab, almost home. He wondered if Beckett had gotten the coffee and treat he had sent up to her yet. As the cab hit almost every green light, he looked down at his phone. Nothing. He sighed. The traffic was very light at this time in the morning. As the cab pulled up to the front his building, Castle swiped his credit card and gave the cab driver a tip. He exited the cab and greeted the doorman as he walked back into his apartment building.

The elevator seemed to be taking forever to reach his floor. When it finally did, he stood for a moment contemplating if he should run back to the precinct and just go to her. But he figured that would be the wrong thing to do. He needed to wait. It had nearly killed him to be downstairs in the lobby of the precinct, knowing how close she was to him. A few officers greeted him as he walked in, like old times. He stood there with the coffee, bear-claw, and note- before he saw the young guy who was delivering newspapers. He paid the kid twenty bucks to go up to the homicide floor and deliver his message.

Castle was now back inside his apartment. He tossed his keys and coat onto the loveseat. He plopped down on the sofa and closed his eyes. Then the sound he had waited for finally went off in his jacket pocket. He almost didn't even recognize the ringtone. He immediately jumped up and tossed his jacket around, and pulled out his phone to see the name he had been waiting for.

He had waited for this day for three months.

_**Thoughts? I made this chapter a bit longer than my usual ones. I thought you guys would like it, and I hope you did! And yes, I decided to leave you with a tease…sorry for being cruel! But at least you know that the call has been made now! I had trouble figuring out Kate's badge number. In season 1 I recall her saying, "41319." But in season 3 it's, "0334." So sorry if it is wrong. I watched a clip of season 3 just to make sure it was right. And in "Set-up" she says "0334" when her and Castle are running away from the radio-active bombs in the storage locker. I really love feedback and your thoughts. I will work on some more later today if I get a chance. Today is the day of the premiere! So excited! Thank you for reading! xo Ashley**_


	22. Ch:22 The Cop & the Writer

_**You asked for Caskett, here you go guys! Enjoy!**_

_Ding!_ The elevator doors opened slowly as Castle entered the squad room. Beckett had called him, finally. She told him to come, and he was already running out the door before they hung up. He picked up on the familiar scent, as Beckett did, and he smirked looking around the quiet room. He was wearing a light blue button-up shirt, with the first button undone, a black striped blazer, and dark dress pants. He perused the room looking for any sign of Beckett. He made his way past the stairs and over to her desk. A few detectives sat at their desks, filling out paperwork. His heart was pounding, wondering what they would do when they first saw each other. There was an officer printing papers at the printer. She wasn't there, but the sugar-free caramel latte' was. It was almost empty, and her lipstick was marked on the edge of the cup. Her lips came to his mind. He couldn't wait to feel them again against his own. He knew it wouldn't happen here, at work, but he couldn't wait. He looked down at his brown chair. He felt like it had been yesterday that he was sitting in it, throwing out his ideas of the CIA, aliens, and making up theories during a case. He looked over at Esposito and Ryan's desks, they weren't there either. He walked around her desk towards the break room. When he turned the corner, there was another detective pouring some coffee. He smiled at Castle and walked past him. _Where is everyone? _He thought to himself. He thought for sure Esposito and Ryan would be in here indulging themselves in the food that was out on the counter.

"Looking for me?" A familiar voice asked. Castle grinned his boyish grin, and turned to face her. Beckett was leaning against the open doorway. He had only the images of her in his mind to think about all summer, seeing her in person- right here, right now was much better. Her hair had grown longer over the summer, and also lighter shades of brown and small streaks of highlights reflected in the light. She was wearing it straight, and it fell perfectly around her face past her shoulders. She took his breath away.

"I was actually looking for Ryan and Esposito, but you'll do." Castle joked. She smirked. Then she puckered her lips off to the side of her face, like she was thinking of something. Her eyes starred him down for a moment. Her heart was racing as she looked at him. It took everything for the two of them not to run to each and continue what they had started three months ago. You could feel the heat in the room between them, the good kind.

"You look great." Castle smiled.

"Thanks, you too." Beckett replied, smiling back. Castle took a few steps towards her, shortening the distance between them. He was standing only a few inches from her face. She didn't back away. He wanted to kiss her so badly! But he somehow controlled himself. She looked into his blue eyes, the way she did back when they were in his apartment three months ago- so in love with him. She hadn't forgotten the smell of his light cologne either. He could smell her perfume, and his insides went crazy.

Beckett placed a hand on his firm, heart throbbing chest. He missed her touch. She then pulled him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her body, tightly. Her brown hair gave off the smell of cherries as he breathed in and out. Both their hearts pounded against each other's chests. They released from their hug. Beckett used her gorgeous green eyes to look at his lips, indicating what she wanted was more than a hug. But they couldn't, not here- not yet. Instead she grabbed his left hand into her right one.

"I missed you too." Beckett said, referring to his note. He smiled, giving her hand a light squeeze. Beckett let go of his hand and turned towards her desk. He watched her walk, confident, sexy. He watched her black heels click on the wooden floors of the squad room, and then worked his eyes up her long legs. He stopped when he realized she had stopped walking. He looked up at her face, she was smirking at him. He gulped, and followed her to her desk. She sat down in her chair and he sat in his. Just like old times.

"So, I see you enjoyed your latte' and bear claw." Castle

"I did, thank you." Beckett smiled.

"Speaking of food, where's…" Castle nodded his head behind him to Ryan and Esposito's desks.

"Solving crime. I'm just filling out paperwork today." Beckett replied, as she opened up a file.

"That's exciting." Castle said.

"Most exciting thing I've done all summer, actually." Beckett said, still looking down at the file. Castle's face got serious for a moment, as he looked at her. She looked like her old-self, but he didn't know how she really felt on the inside. He wondered what her summer had really been like. Her text messages were always short and always said "I'm fine." Which he didn't always believe.

"How are you?" Castle finally asked. Her eyes stopped reading her file.

"Better," she looked up from her paperwork and smiled, "now."

Castle smiled back. Beckett finished her latte' and set the empty cup down.

"Would you like a refill?" Castle asked, tapping his fingers on her empty coffee cup. She smiled a yes to him and he got up to head into the break room. He placed two small mugs under the steamers and began making espresso shots. They poured into each cup slowly, as steam rose from the cups. The strong smell of coffee filled the air. He added some steamed milk and stirred them, adding some light foam to the top of each cup. He grabbed some packets of sugar, and walked back out towards Beckett's desk. He slowed down, when he saw an unfamiliar face standing at Beckett's desk. He continued to walk, and he set down the cappuchino's on her desk.

"Um, Captain Gates this is…" Beckett went, as she stood up.

"Richard Castle. The famous novelist." Gates finished.

"Captain." Castle smiled, shaking her hand. He had heard a little about Captain Gates from Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito.

"I've heard about the work you've done here with the NYPD, tagging along with Detective Beckett." Gates said. Castle could feel the tension, and Beckett's eyes on him.

"I'd like to think I do a little more than tagging along." Castle smiled. Beckett tried her best to not smile.

"Castle has been a great asset to the homicide unit." Beckett interrupted.

"Just the unit?" Gates turned to Beckett. Beckett and Castle looked at each other, then back at Gates.

"I'm sure you're a great help, but I really don't think Detective Beckett needs help filling out her paperwork."

"He's just here, for support." Beckett chimed in.

"Well he can support you outside of work, not here. This is a police station, not a hang out."

"We're partners." Castle said. He stood up a little straight.

"Do you have a badge?" Gates asked, Castle shook his head.

"Do you have a gun?" She continued, again he shook his head no.

"Do you have any reason to be here at all?" Gates asked, Castle's eyes wandered over to Beckett. And Gates caught on.

"That's what I thought. Thank you Mr. Castle for helping the NYPD but I really don't see any reason for you to be here." Gates started to walk away to her office. Castle looked down, he had not expected this. Beckett could see the sudden sadness on his face. She wasn't going to let Gates talk to him like that without her having a say. Beckett marched her way to Gates' office. Gates turned around immediately at the sound of Beckett's heels.

"He might not have a badge. He might not have a gun. But he has my trust, and my back. He's my partner and he's proven himself to me and the NYPD. He might be a pain in the ass sometimes, but thinks outside the box. He thinks like a writer, and a cop." Beckett defended.

"I will not have a writer gone pretend cop out there chasing down murderers with my detectives, just so he can have another bestseller out on the shelves." Gates argued. Beckett crossed her arms.

Ryan and Esposito were now standing at Beckett's desk with Castle.

"Yo, Castle what's going on?" Esposito nodded his head to Gates' office. Then they could hear Beckett raise her voice before Castle could say.

"It's not about the books. It's about justice, and he wants it just as much as I do. And if you don't like it, I'm sorry Captain, but I'm sure the mayor won't have a problem with it when he gets a call." Beckett finished. She couldn't believe she just said all that to her superior. Gates looked just as surprised.

Gates sat down in her chair and picked up a file on the desk. Beckett was trying to let her head catch up to what she had just blurted out.

"I have work to do." Gates finally said. Beckett walked out of the room to see Esposito, Ryan, and Castle standing at her desk. They had seen and probably heard everything.

"Something tells me she's not a fan." Ryan said, breaking the silence. Beckett sat down in her chair, and the boys stepped aside as she did. She sighed, frustrated at how difficult the new Captain was being.

"I can't believe you used the 'mayor card' on her. Nice." Castle joked. Beckett couldn't help but smile.

"You do have strings you can pull, right?" Beckett asked, hopefully.

"On speed dial." Castle tapping his phone's screen.

"We better get back to work before she takes it out on us." Ryan said, as they walked away.

Castle waited until the guys walked away, and he turned back to Beckett. She looked at him.

"Thank you, for what you said in there." Castle smiled, as he placed his left hand on her hand that was sitting on the desk. She loved the feel of his hand.

"Always." Beckett smiled.

_**It's about one hour until the finale now! I somehow managed to get this done. I hope you enjoyed it. I thought I would have Beckett defend Castle, since we all know that Captain Gates isn't going to like Castle being around. ~A**_


	23. Ch:23 Not Alright

_**Hey guys! Thanks for all the great feedback! How about that premiere! I loved it! I have been sick for a week, and wasn't able to update- sorry! But here's something short. I will try and add some stuff from the premiere, and also add my own twist. I assure you there will be more Caskett love coming your way soon! ~Ash**_

"Are you really going to be doing that all day?" Castle asked, as Beckett finished her fourth sheet of paperwork. She looked up at him, and leaned back in her chair, tapping her pen on her fingers.

"Don't you have another book you could be working on?"Beckett smirked. Castle smiled.

"Finished _Heat Rises_ already, have we?" Castle smirked. Beckett blushed, and gave him a cute glare. She sat forward again and opened another file. Castle sighed.

"Yo, we got a fresh one. Wanna come with?" Esposito yelled over to them. Beckett contemplated for a minute, as Castle watched her hoping she would say yes. Then she shook her head.

"I think I'm going to just finish this." Beckett replied, pointing at her paperwork. Esposito nodded, and he followed Ryan towards the elevators. Castle sank back into his brown chair. He felt like he had been grounded. Beckett looked over at him.

"You know, you can go with them if you want. I'm fine here."

"No, its okay…it's not like there won't be another murder." Castle continued, "Besides you're a lot better to look at than Esposito and Ryan."

"Hm." Beckett smiled.

"So…what are you doing after this?" Castle asked.

"Well, if my right hand can still function after this," she tapped her paperwork, "I thought I would go downstairs, shoot some rounds."

Castle had a surprised look on his face.

"What?" she asked, dropping her pen.

"Nothing, I just…thinking about you and a gun brings back…" Castle trailed off. Beckett knew what he meant. The last gunshot he had ever heard was the one that sent a bullet right through her chest. Beckett touched his knee. He tried to smile.

"I'm alright Castle." Beckett tried to convince him. He looked at her.

"Are you?" Castle asked. He still wasn't convinced that she was okay. He knew her, and he knew one of her strengths was putting up a face when really she wasn't okay, something she had been able to do from being a cop. Beckett didn't speak. She just looked at him, she knew that he could tell she wasn't. Castle's phone went off, interrupting her before she could answer.

"Ah, I better take this. Publisher…" Castle gave her an apologetic look, and she smiled- glad they were interrupted. She didn't want him to feel bad for her. She didn't want him to blame himself like he had did three months ago. Castle walked down the hall, out of earshot.

When Castle was finished with his call, he walked back to Beckett's desk. Beckett wasn't in her chair. He looked up across the room to see her in the window of the break room, pouring some coffee into her mug. He looked at her with concern. He wondered when they would talk about it. Not just the way they left their relationship, but her case. He didn't think now was a good time, he would wait. He went to head towards the break room, walking behind her desk, but his foot caught onto something. He looked down as he tripped. Beckett's work bag fell over, and files scattered onto the wooden precinct floor.

"Ah!" Castle said, quietly to himself. He began picking the papers that had spilled out, when he stopped. He starred at what was in front of him. There on the floor, and in his hands- the case files from Beckett's case and her mother's. It hit him hard. It him so hard that he didn't even realize the sound of Beckett's heels coming to a halt in front of him.

"Castle, what are you doing?" Beckett asked. Castle looked up at her like a kid who got caught in the cookie jar.

"Um, I tripped and these fell out."

"Here." Beckett handed him a coffee, and she finished picking the papers up.

"When did you start?" Castle asked, watching her. She stacked them neatly on her desk and stuck them back into the brown folder, into her bag. She sat back in her chair, and Castle did the same. He wondered how long she had been obsessing over this during the summer.

"I never stopped."


End file.
